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disgruntled housewife

just because you can
spew your seed

doesn't mean you can't
keep things clean

you treat this house
like your garden

and even if it were

you're never home
to water it

all feedback appreciated

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • tieed
    November 13

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    Dirty

    Being a wife can be dirty, just like gardening.

    I liked this. I'm not sure what to say in terms of what revisions you can make. It's paced well and sort of made me chuckle...although, I don't know why. lol


  • vaseline
    August 9
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    very nice


  • Odds and Ends
    July 29

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    it was very nice to log in and see you had picked up your pen again.

    all the faces people where. my adopted mom wears this face a lot.

    I liked this a lot thank you

  • piggyback
    July 26

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    Yay - a new poem from you! The title is very interesting especially considering it's coming from you. The poem is concise, as your usual (aw I miss being able to write concisely!) and I love the home-garden metaphor. Somehow, even though you use the seeds and garden as a metaphor for home, I'm wondering if maybe the home is also just another layer of your poem and a metaphor for something else. I really like that. Clever connection between the first four lines and the last couplet... somehow, this makes me think of a man having an affair (especially the first bit). This is beautiful and so you - nice to log in and see this.