A single drop of water
Upon an outstreched hand
A lamb led to the slaughter
Looked out across the land.
It trickled through my fingers
and splashed upon the floor
The memory still lingers,
remains for evermore.
It only took a second
To fall upon the ground
I saw the one who beckoned
Whilst waiting to be found
For there lay my salvation
the answer to my dreams
the face of adulation,
appeared to calm my screams.
Whilst standing in the darkness,
I look towards the light
Behind I left the starkness
The body of my plight.
A smile that did not waver
Shone through the clouds of air
To make me all the braver
Dispense with my despair.
The Universe was painting
a picture of it's own
It held it's breath whilst waiting
A new seed had been sewn
A contest entry
- BWOM-Best Write of the Month, #4 with Starz of Heaven, aboomer and islekine by islekine.
1050 points, ended August 1, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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A great piece with lovely meaning and wonderful flow. I always like your work and i guess i would have given you the gold in the contest..No matter what you got, we all know you deserve the best..
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This is Lovely
I don't understand these Contest's judging judgment.
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Lovely! Wonderful wording, images, emotion and flow....made this a pleasure to read. Much enjoyed it. Very nicely done!
(Love the background and border, too!)
thank you for your entry
best wishes in the contest
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This indeed is a lovely write nicely penned filled with words that show deep rooted spirit in life from start to end thank you for coming out and supporting our contest best to you always have a nice evening be well.
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Lovely imagery...
which evoked great emotion!
Best wishes in the contest and always! Thanks for your continued support! I look forward to your entry each week!
Write on and on!
and
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Wow i really loved this, you create such beautiful imagery!
I really loved the last part
The Universe was painting
a picture of it's own
It held it's breath whilst waiting
A new seed had been sewn
Best of luck in the contest, Im sure you will do well x
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Beautifully written with perfect rhyme and flow.
Keep it up!
Jeff
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very very htoughtful and imaginative,leaves a kind of impact
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A single drop of water
Upon an outstreched hand
A lamb led to the slaughter
Looked out across the land.
- this beginning captured me and got me pumped for the rest of the poem - it's a great way to start with interesting language, connection to the title and flawless rhyme.
For there lay my salvation
the answer to my dreams
the face of adulation,
appeared to calm my screams.
- those were my favourite lines of them all. your rhyme is great because it isn't cliche rhyme. your vocabulary is really impressive too.
It held it's breath whilst waiting
A new seed had been sewn
- this imagery is extremely vivid and i love your descriptions in this and throughout. the connection at the end back to the title of the poem made it a smooth ending and it brought home the message. i love your rhyme in the last stanza too (:
overall a great poem with flawless rhyme and it stuck to the form really well with no disjointed looking lines that were too long or too short. a sureshot for the best write of the month!
chin up,
swim.x -
flawless rhyme and beautiful meaning. loved it
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i enjoyed the way you used rhyme but didn't make it forced. this piece seemed to flow perfectly which most people can't achieve with rhyme. great job.
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i enjoyed the way you used rhyme but didn't make it forced. this piece seemed to flow perfectly which most people can't achieve with rhyme. great job.
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Excellent
'tis a very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. You have an attractive background for this one, however, and maybe it's just me, it might be easier to read if you darkened the blue print. Just a suggestion. Agin, well written.
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It was sweet and flowed like warm honey. All the right things and it couldn't have been more profound. The story of the sower, like something Biblical.
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awesome, Gwen...
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