So many are the long hours that I find
the thoughts of what can be and what has gone
are running through the fragments of my mind.
Will I awake to see another dawn?
I find that still I strive, though hating hope,
I often must dismantle forming dreams.
Plans for the future are beyond the scope
of things for which I can create my schemes.
What can one do when life is near its close?
Leave bitterly or harvest all that’s best?
While there is breath I find my soul still grows.
I take what works and leave aside the rest.
The warmth that’s in my heart won’t be my last
until the day the final die are cast.
Author notes
2009 July 25
In a list
- CATEGORY: Death and End of Life • next in list
- FORM: Sonnet, English (Shakespearean) • next in list
- CATEGORY: Spiritual, Philosophical • next in list
- OVW Anthology • next in list
A contest entry
- English / Shakesperian Sonnet by passim.
1800 points, ended August 5, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thank you for reading. Critical commentary welcome.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I enjoyed reading this
What can one do when life is near its close?
Leave bitterly or harvest all that’s best?
I particularly like the above lines
good luck in the comp:
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Thank you kindly for the comment, feedback, applause, and the well wishes.
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It was a pleasure to read this lovely sonnet. The wording was persuasive and well done and the meter and rhyme were just right. The emotion you express in your third stanza, "I take what works and leave aside the rest", provides a thoughtful lesson for the youngest of readers. We do not need to reach the end of our days to decide to limit the negative influences in our lives. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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Well done!!
You did an excellent job with creating a Sonnet to accompany that last line. Death is always waiting for us, so why not put our feelings of life into a Sonnet?
Many of the rhymes are worthy of note, but I especially loved the lines:
What can one do when life is near its close?
Leave bitterly or harvest all that’s best?
One surely doesn't want to think that they will die with bitterness, remorse or regrets, yet many do. The message of your lines say abeit less poetically -
Don't worry. Die happy. That is a wonderful thought. Rose.
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I like the way you paraphrased, "don't worry, die happy."
Thank you for your detailed and insightful comment.
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Excellent! You have made something both beautiful, yet sad and thoughtful all at the same time.
You've also improved your talents, which makes this even more above and beyond in my eyes. This part especially spoke to me personally,"I find that still I strive, though hating hope,
I often must dismantle forming dreams." -I can relate so well.
And this, I hope will not happen for a long time,
"until the day the final die is cast."
Love Ya,
~Hettie
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Thank you, Hettie, for your support and well wishes. I appreciate hearing that my skills have improved. I also appreciate your resonating with those lines; they are core ones that express a major theme of the past many months of my life. As for the final day, I'm doing what I can in that regard.
Thanks for the read and feedback, sweet one.
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Beautiful! I particularly liked:
'Plans for the future are beyond the scope
of things for which I can create my schemes.'
It's just so true; what else can I say?
I love it, you have comprehensively explored this idea/feeling/concern and presented so much more than fourteen lines worth of an idea.
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What a strong compliment you have given me, "presented so much more than fourteen lines worth of an idea." That is often how I strive to write poetry, to pack as much meaning as I can into the words written/allowed. I am hoping you entered this contest as well, so I can read your words.
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Beautiful my dear!!
K
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Thank you very much!
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So many of these thoughts go through my mind too! I like your sonnet. If I were to nit-pick it would only be regarding the slant rhyme in the 1st stanza, but it's no big deal, it's your sonnet and as I said before, I like it. Thank you.
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Thanks. I did consider revising out that slant rhyme but was not able at the time to find a way to use an exact rhyme that worked for the piece. Thanks for the applause, your comment, and your contest.
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Execellence woven into your skill with meter and rhyme, Misha, creating a thought provoking sonnet. I feel the emotion involved in this piece, all too frequently. It is a cracker of a last line prompt and you have used it so well.
I find line 6 a bit awkward to read out loud but that could just be my accent stressing in a different place as happens. I do identify with trying to dismantle dreams though.
Excellent stuff well worth the happy bunnies
Ceri
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Thanks. That line is a bit of a mouthful. I will ponder possible revisions. Thank you for noting it.
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My comments are rubbish because I either like something or not. If I like it, there's seldom anything I think needs pointing out, other than any typing errors or opinions on certain things that aren't really relevant to the poem itself. If I dislike it, it gets a compliment before I leave. Mind you, brilliant things sometimes get that dull compliment when I am not in the mood to type anything that's even less valuable to the eyes.
My hint, either subtle or not, is that this is wonderful.
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Lol!
You are hilarious. At least you tell it like it is for you. :]
Thanks for the read, comment, compliment, applause, and your honesty.
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