Bind me
to a pole
or a bow.
Straighten my legs
and feed those-
things.
Just let it be physical
let it be
meaning for my heart.
Ask me questions
from blank notebooks
Passing electrons
and neutrons
heat and
hate.
Through this body
over
and under.
So I too,
can ask myself
---
A why,
for a why?
---
Do we lie
in poppy fields
with dreams
that cry out?
And release
like pollen sacs,
in cold explosions;
of color.
---
Do you see,
and dry the marble names?
Stone faced and weary.
5th rev
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Still my favourite bits are
"Ask me questions
from blank notebooks"
and
"Do we lie in
these poppy fields
with dreams
that cry out?" (Although personally I would leave out "these")
It is a bleak yet wondeful po heartfelt poem. -
This so right.
The things you twist around feel so true,,, the dreams that cry out instead of us, The plea to dry the marble names but not our tears, the questions from blank notebooks.
This is about so many things and makes me work so much to try to make some sense of it.
Clever bits too like the "stone faced" coming next to the "marble names"
A few suggestions...the spelling of "neutron" ; does the poppy fields section need a question mark? and I didn't like HARD in capitals which makes it jump off the screen/page...and seemed not subtle.
Overall a great piece. Good writing!!!!!
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whoa! i would love to know the motivation behind this. I loved the way the words sounded coming out of my mouth while reading this
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check out my new rev, let me know if you find the poem a little more fluid(imagery wise) I've been workin' overtime on this bitch.
gimme some luv
LOL
jj -
In a nutshell, what inspired this piece was the lack of writing i've been responsible for in the last 4 months. Also I love WW2 stuff! Mostly it was late and I let my pen do the walking.thanks for stopping by, looks like I'm gonna need to trim the edges on this one and also make it a little less jumpy. I hope lol
johnny -
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Heya Johnny. In all my thoughts on this I hadn't considered war!!! Just something far more personal.
It is a great poem ....but I do question the following two additions which seem a cliches in this otherwise novel poem
"hungry for my heart"
and
"for the forgotten and rusted"
You might well totally disagree with me....and I can be persuaded you are right
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