beneath a willow
I hear the song of sparrows
my lips pressed to hers
Author notes
form; japanese traditional
5-7-5
haiku/senryu
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku Frenzie! Yay! Quickie! by Allyson.Lashae..
1200 points, ended July 25, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I try to be concise when I write my Haiku, always open for suggestions
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Great
It takes a good writer to condence a thought to such small sentences. I have to get a book of directions for Hiku and senryu. This one is very good, it paints a perfect picture of two lovers under a weeping willow.
-
This is a lovely senryu with crisp images tempered with emotion. Well done
Dennis
-
Oooo...this one is very nice. You have written with a soft and gentle pen, and produced something wonderful. I like.
-
aw this is so sweet! great job, thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
-
Oh, ohhh, ohhhhhh, nicely done!
-
-
where been girl?
-
-
puckers lips and closes eye...
-
-
lol you're to funny red
but I wouldnt mind if you'd like to pucker your lips to mine
would your really?
-
-
Ohhh! Wow .. I never knew you can get such sentiment from a haiku, even if it is a senyru... I notice from your note that you plan to edit this.. But first I will like to say I really like the voice in this haiku.. Your style def.shows and althought I'm not sure about "personals" in haiku, I love the "I" in this write.. You set a wonderful background and we receive a great image.. Lovely write and best wishes in the contest
-
-
ohh but some of the best Haiku by basho are written in first person observation...the "I" is not forbidden..
and inclusion makes it senryu, still in the moment...
thanks hun
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
