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Searing Loss

She danced like Autumn leaves into my wintry life
Resembling a Spring breeze as she moved
But oh! I felt the scorching Summer's sun searing my soul
Abandoned, when she craved seasonings for another

Author notes

7/24/09

Prompt: She burns like the sun
20-35 words

In a list

A contest entry

Te gusta?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Nomadic Prince
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, false love. How heart breaking, well portrayed. It would have been cool if the seasons were in order -CC


  • The Fun House silver member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you have incorporated the season in this. One small think I noticed was the capitalization of the seasons in the first two lines, but not in summer. I think no caps on those fair better. The imagery is well done and is the emotion for such a short piece and that is alluring. I fell this


  • consternation imply
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    Goodness this is powerful. At first I thought it was a love thing and then the last line stings like a bee. Written like a true poet with love and the loss of it to another. I wonder about the cold in the beginning. Sadness or the lack of something warm. Awesome.


  • Ami
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Great take on the prompt and congrats on the H.M that you have so far Great write Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck

    -♥Amy♥


  • orangepeeling
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    great write ,
    congrats on the honorable mention
    thanks for entering & good luck
    - Lani


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    You did very well with this write and I enjoyed
    reading it here. I wish you all the best in this
    contest! It's great to read you once again!




    Jeremy0826


  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good poem. I really liked how you worked all the seasons in it.

    Nice job.

    Will keep in finalists for now, not sure if it'll be deleted or not.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    Wow; this one really brought my mind
    to a past personal piece of my life.
    I can really relate and grasp deeply
    at what is being expressed here.

    Love it.
    beautifully scribed

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • Rick Weston silver member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the first line - evokes a vivid image.


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck.

1 - 10 of 10