His eyes are a kaleidoscope,
ranging from colors orange to green.
His gaze takes me into a place,
home to the yellow Citrus Queen.
Where flowers bloom with kiwi hearts,
and trees are made from tangerines;
the sky in rusty orange puffs,
home of the yellow Citrus Queens.
Where lemons line the peaceful streets,
and grapefruit incense fills the scene,
In aromas thick like ginger spice.
Home to the yellow Citrus Queen.
The ocean’s coast in orange champagne,
peppered with naval submarines.
Their citron guns play music sweet,
home of the yellow Citrus Queens.
Below her lime and mandarin crown,
chestnut curls with a ginger sheen.
His heart creates what my eyes see,
home of the yellow Citrus Queen.
Author notes
Yes, line 2 stanza 4 is referring to Naval Oranges!
A contest entry
- Just Rhyme II by shewalksintomine.
1550 points, ended August 10, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like what you've done with the fruit
It's a very fun piece (and very colorful too!) Since you've focused so much on the colors of citrus, you paint a pretty vivid picture of this Citrus Queen's realm. Very enjoyable.
Thanks for entering and best of luck! -
Wow, every poem I have read in this contest is exceptional and this is proof in the pudding. Wow! I thought I could rhyme... but you have made it look like childs play. All the best for this deserving piece.
Blessings and best wishes,
Frogz~
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This is fantastic!!
Each and every line in this poem is a masterpiece in itself. This gives new meaning to the phrase "permeates the senses." I've said this before, and I will say it again. You were born to write!
Don
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An interesting story you have here. It is concretely descriptive with a regular rhyme and rhythm.
The rhythm flows better if, in line 2, you omit "from colors," This creates an extremely sing-songy flow that continues throughout, which is a good reflection of the images you're using. It is iambic tetrameter, with alternating catalectic line in 1.2 and a variation in 4.2 that I like because the rhythm feels a lot like peppering there thanks to the trochee! I don't like the variation in the final stanza's second line, however. It sort of breaks the entire rhythm at that point, with little apparent reason. (I could very well be missing it!)
I'll just go ahead and give you both credit, Kaleb for knowing what a naval tangerine was (me = not bright in the fruit identification dept), and you for, whether intended or not, using it in such a flexible sense! Yay!
This is a nice, little poem, well crafted.
Take care!
Kelsey-Jo
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This was very bright...and I mean that in BOTH senses of the word! Great imagery here. I don't know if you were trying to do this, but I thought that in line 4.2 when you wrote "naval submarines" obviously you were referring to a navy of some kind. However if you were also referring to a navel orange as well, then that's just clever as can be. Well done.
Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck to you. Please refrain from rating or replying to any comment made by me or my lovely and wonderful cojudge(s).
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