Take my soul.
Steal my heart.
Have my spirit.
You can't have whats not there.
I am already gone baby.
I gave you love.
And you betrayed me.
How does it feel?
To be a murderer.
I wanted you.
Everything.
I was wrong.
It wasn't enough for you.
Was it Darling?
No love.
No lust.
I am done.
Over you.
No more games.
I am free.
Author notes
I want a little bit of feedback. tell me what you thing honestly. thanks.
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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The unevenness of the stanzas threw me off a little bit, but I think it has its own rythem going on. I think the last line is perfect, how it's offset and by itself gives it a little bit more impact. I also really like your line: "How does it feel to be a murderer?"
It's a good write with a lot of emotion behind it. -
sad...one can easily relate though.
I like the ramble of it all..make me feel as your thoughts were racing. nice write.
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This is very sad
When you are a teenager and yoyu have so much to learn and live for often love fets in the way and in doing so it takes away your confidence and joy in life . Whispers spoken only to you in the heat of passion did you ever wonder how many he had whispered to before you .For the young boys they are just learning to . Ladies only you can hold friendships and not let it go further while in school .Sure their will be some silver tongue devils out there with looks that just melt you on the spot .But unless you would go to school wearing your underware on the outside of your clothes then dont believe a word of it . Yet to be friends with all and enjoy your highschool years without heart breaks now that is when you will see many you thought was so grans to hurt many others about you .For once they get what they want they move on without a thought for what they whispered to you in private only you heard and it was only your decision to make .Believe not what the young men whisper to you tell them no and find how quick they leave yet your heart will still be in tact. The oens that will come back will be the ones who will respect you and in this you reallize young men dont want ladies that has been taken by others when they get old enough for marriage they will look for a true lady .
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It's a wonderful poem, and there's so much raw emotion in there. Well done for letting go. I know personally how hard that can be.
The last line is perfect.
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this is so amazing!!!!
so much emtion!!!!
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i like it alot
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OMFG!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS POEM!!!!! SO MUCH RAW EMOTION, SO MUCH FEELING, SO INSPIRING!!!!!! I WISH I COULD WRITE AS GOOD!!!!!!!! This is boody-briliant!!!!! You are a great writer, Keep writing, PLEASE.
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Wow
I love it.
its truly good.
your ending is strong, and inspiring.
your letting go, not alot of girls can do that, at all..
this is SUCH a good poem.
you have done a great job!
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I think you've put a lot of emotion {raw emotion} in this. And I really think you might actually be able to revise it and make it even better {but it's great left alone too}
The main thing is, is not honestly what others think. It's how you feel about this. Do you think it's your best? If so then amazing. If not, that's alright too. Either way, I really like this =] -
You have great emotion in this. I really enjoyed reading it. Its real and deals with the truth in life. well done
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this is really good i like it alot. its really true to life. thx for the comment. I tend to use darling if im mad too
great write.
~destiny
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"You can't have whats not there.
I am already gone baby."
A great line. You can feel the emotion in this.
It made me want to get revenge, revenge without the vengeance. No action, just pure revenge.
Well done.
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great emotion, i would give a lot more depth into what you're trying to get across instead of putting it in peoples faces so to speak. i really liked it, it reminded me of a younger me... you're well on your way
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very nice.
I could really feel the emotion in this.
To improve it you may want to consider improving your word choice. Poems have so few words that its important to find the perfect one to make your feelings clear.
Oter than that I liked this quite a bit.
Good job. -
I know exactally this feeling! I love it...raw emotion! this write DOES actually remind me of myself hehe I use darling as a term of affection too. Woaw I really like it, its full of simplicity but it is SO deep. You have captured these emotions of having rid of a sombody who hurt you and the joy that comes with the feeling of freedom. Soon you will not seek revenge from this bastard you won't have to think of him ever again!
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This was a raw write. Lots of emotion in it. My fave part "I gave you love.
And you betrayed me.
How does it feel?
To be a murderer."
I honestly would have to say this will one poem I'll read everyday
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This was raw, revealing and very brutally honest. I think this was a good expression of the many mixed feelings one may have when left broken hearted. I like the element of strength in this though...very good.
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i loved it kimmy. wicked awesome.
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Simple, but really powerful, this is great! The punctuation, though not always conventionally appropriate, added a lot to the strength of the piece, and the not-too-flashy color scheme did the same. Awesome write!
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i really liked it. very well written and very powerful keep it up
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wow. i know how this feels. to be so angry and torn apart by someone.... i really liked it!! i hope you write some more so i can read them too!! much love, gabby
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WOW...
Very well written!!! But, its a little suicidal- don't ya think?
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i like it, its straight to the point, powerful words, conveys a lot of meaning and probably means something to everyone at some point in their lives, great xxx
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Very nicely done!
It's really well put together, and it flows wonderfully.
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Amazing.
Poweful, and not one of the "I miss you I need you" poems. It' was amazing~ and writing it must have been absolutley freeing.
I especially loved this part
"Take my soul.
Steal my heart.
Have my spirit.
You can't have whats not there.
I am already gone baby"
Absolutley perfect.
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very interesting, well written. like the notice of being set free. very well done
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