a leaf falls...
and all is silent,
i have no words
nor music or thought,
what you might call
my heart or soul
is as quiet and nothing-filled
as that decaying leaf-
fading colors the last reminder
of what it was...
my skin is my shell
and in it is nothing but
time,matter and atoms,
an infinity of endless space...
I am nothing,
the fallen leaf...
the silence fills
- The Ornate Diamond Chalice group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Poetry in Opposition (Round 1) by Progandother.
900 points, ended August 10, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrite contest round 1 - 3 by serenity silvermoon.
2100 points, ends December 12, 569 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
be specific!! details!!!! thanks. also, NO ONE LINERS.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Beautifully exicuted
I LOVED this peice. It is efficient, and captivating. It is well formed, and wonderful. I can feel the emotional nothingness, and it is beautiful.
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ugh that hits deep and more so than i can really describe, and it hurts to read, but it's a good feeling really and it must feel freeing to be able to write down such an emotion as this
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Subtle melancholy
I love the subtle melancholy of these lines and the gentle imagery of the dead leaf. You have conveyed a universal feeling in a restrained and dignified tone which is rather difficult. I particularly like the way you have rounded off the poem. Personally I quite like this piece as it stands. You're a very talented young lady.
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soft and free flowing verse...great metaphorical piece!
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Introspective
We have times like this when we fall into a simile of thought. Where the life and death of a single simple leaf is like our own life and eventual ..death..
Just remember it is the journey that matters, for even the leafs journey from the tree to the earth below can be filled with wonder. We are but energy and matter suspended in time and space.. in a cycle of life eternal.
Hugs,
Den
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...for a split second I thought the structure was going to be like a palindrome...then I realised that I was being stupid and read two of the lines the wrong way round...
...you seem to use ellipsis in multiple parts as a more emphasised pause I assume?
It's a rather introspective and pondering piece which I enjoy reading as they seem to drag out a long concept of what is only 16 lines...like some crazy philosopher with his head in the oven that won't leave.
Very well done and good luck in the contest.
Oliver
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wow....this is more along the lines of what i really like to write i really like it....im not sure of what else to say...lol...it's very good
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Good poem. I found it a bit disturbing, but I suppose my feelings reflect yours as you were writing it. On the other hand to what you're saying, I'm sure there's a whole world within a leaf - as well as within your heart.
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This is a really good one. Reading it made me feel... well... not so happy. It just reminded me of time passing by, with the changing of the leaves and all, I don't know. But I enjoyed it very much
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wow this is really good. it has a lot of feeling. i can practically picture the metaphor, of the leaf falling and how it relates to how someone feels.
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i felt this poem was metaphoric. i liked how you described the falling leaf the quiet and how a skin is a shell. good job
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Ooohhhh very quiet and subtle. I liked it
Good read!
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