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hourglass

 

 


she wondered which half
of the hourglass
was more beautiful


        the sky
            or
      the ocean

 

she dreamed
through sandy eyes
while her thoughts tipped
upside down

 

she watched April
fall through December
and the sun nibble
               on the moon

she caught chunks
of nostalgia on her tongue
and breathed

    the sound of bright blue

 

 

she even saw her own silhouette
    reflected upon the night

and the most beautiful hourglass
                                   she’d ever seen

 

 

 

Author notes

OK this is rubbish and tacky and just awful, sorry. Obviously I don't inspire myself very much.


Prompt:

Glazed eyes kiss nostalgia
with dreams yet to occur,
hours yet to chime,
with walks on the sand
remaining inside the glass.
- by me

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    This amazing!

    "she wondered which half
    of the hourglass
    was more beautiful


    the sky
    or
    the ocean"




    "she watched April
    fall through December
    and the sun nibble
    on the moon

    she caught chunks
    of nostalgia on her tongue
    and breathed

    the sound of bright blue"


    Sorry...but I wanted to quote my favorite parts of this poems which makes up like 80% of the poem...lol outstanding work here. I really love this piece! and on top of everything else it has such a nice flow to it. the words just gently roll off the tongue in beautiful rhythm. and brilliant imagery.








  • perfectsunset gold member
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    You inspire yourself greatly,
    and it shows through your
    poem brightly. I love your
    wise use of vernacular and
    carefully chosen words to
    create the full effect while
    one reads.

    Loved the concept and image
    of "thoughts tipping upside down"

    .. utterly brilliant.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • SnowShadow
    July 30

    Edit | Reply

    Potential here

    You are way too harsh on yourself, not really rubish. The image juxtaposing of ocean and sky, turned over in the vision of an hourglass is very imaginative and evocative. “The sound of bright blue,” is a bit over used but over all this is a good write that could be excellent with a bit of revision.


    • silverscent gold member
      July 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment. Cool, I wanted the 'bright blue' part to be a bit more...erm..'average,' that's why I seperated it from the rest, thus bringing us back down to earth.
      Thanks for the lovely feedback.

  • Topnotchsy
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    Not sure what you found rubbish about this. The first stanza especially grabbed me, as I found the idea fascinating. I never in a million years would have thought to visualize the sky and ocean as an hourglass, yet time moves in between the two all day, every day.

    I didn't quite get as much from the rest of the poem as from the opening stanza, but I wish my better writes were like your rubbish.


    • silverscent gold member
      July 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. The openning is the part I would say is the least 'rubbish.'
      Thanks for your encouragement


  • perfectsunset gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    Your prompt:


    Glazed eyes kiss nostalgia
    with dreams yet to occur,
    hours yet to chime,
    with walks on the sand
    remaining inside the glass.

1 - 7 of 7