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Lost and away

We didn't want to leave
It's cold up here
No warmth of love and laughter,
washes over our oval bodies
We felt safe in your tiny hand
One slip was all it took
and we are lost and away forever

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • bw43
    August 11
    Edit | Reply
    oh it's about balloons! ha... cool. that explains the tiny hand... haha


  • bw43
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    hmmm... this one makes me scratch my head trying to put it together... i really like it. but i don't understand it. is it about growing up? or maybe about growing apart? :-(

    it sounds good. and it does make me feel something. The first sentence made me feel like.. kind of missing good times... but then "it's cold up here" and the next two lines made me wonder if the "we didn't want to leave" is because maybe the speaker was used to the cold... and didn't want a change or to change.

    But then I wonder who's tiny hand... God's? or maybe a parent... or safe in this situation and it is a metaphor...

    I don't know. but I like it. :-)


  • silverscent gold member
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    Nice take on the prompt. Thanks for entering


  • sweet arrival gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    nice take from the balloons perspective, lost and away forever... well, at least they have eachother well done