When summer ends
And fall begins
The leaves start to change
The colors are twisted
The cold has kissed it
A new season stains
When fall fades to winter
Ice begins to enter
The color starts to fade
The world turns grey
Colder each day
The earth has been betrayed
No matter the season
Or cold-hearted reason
Our friendship remains the same
It withstands the fire
It’s God-breathed desire
It puts betrayal to shame
A contest entry
- Fill me up, Don't let me down by tigerspence2012.
1050 points, ended August 10, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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aHHHHHHH, must be your fairly new friend there in the great state of XX.
nicely done and it is always nice to have areally great friend first as that allows other things to possibly happen. Which would be nice as well, but give it plenty of time- no rush- as remember that even a full year has four seasons, and so must you and he. It typically takes about two years to really get to know a person, and they you.
But I am certain you shall be fine.
love ya gal
Dad
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Thanks Dad, but this isn't a new friend. It's one I've had for quite some time
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beautiful. i like it. the last line is easily the best, which is nice you have to finish strong! if you read this out loud to yourself a few times, i'm sure you'll be able to find a few places that could be rephrased for the sake of rhythm and meter, but overall i liked it! it works well for what i was looking for thanks for sharing this!
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Hey I fixed some of it up a little bit if you wanted to re-read it. And tell me if it flows a bit better.. thanks
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Yes I completely agree that there are places, but it all just came out so quickly, I was afraid to make anything forced. Because that could also throw off the poem. So I kind of just left it the way it poured out.... straight from the heart, fresh off the brain type of thing.
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Awesome.
Loved it. I think you could've expanded how much that friendship meant to you was like, but otherwise it was great.
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I agree, I could expand. But really this was just all I felt that needed to be said. Plus, it was all that came to mind in the moment I had the words jump at me. It ended there, if I would have expanded, then it would have been forced. I don't like my work to be forced. So if the expansion drops into my mind another day, I'll most definitely add it
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