I sit naked on the bathroom floor,
Open to nothing but walls dripping with incredible condensation.
Legs spread, eyes closed—
Make me stop dreaming that
You are he and
I am her.
Who says anything about forever…I don’t believe it.
Never will again, after ten whole seconds of feeling eternity.
I don’t approve of that place.
You see, I’m scared to my Wit’s end
To ever believe it again.
Even for just a moment.
Even with you.
I told you I’d never fear you, but I lied.
I’ve given you the chance to be
Just another, like the rest.
Me, I thought you were a figment,
Simply in the back of my mind.
I never really thought I’d have you.
And yet, all along, I knew I would.
You walked through the steam and stared at me,
Took my entire being in your gaze.
Held out your hand,
Lifted me softly with not even a smile,
And shook the wet from my skin.
Your eyes hold the forest, my dear;
I think I have the clearing you’ve been looking for.
No tears, no sweat.
Simply us.
Solitude, hand-in-hand, hearts spread,
Flying on the bathroom floor.
Author notes
Inspired by Clearing Through The Path by JePeTto...or rather, the last few lines of it.
And yes, I did just get out of a shower while thinking of this. lol
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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wow! This was fantastic! Just as the comment below, great flow!
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what a beautifully written piece! flows very well... to me you portray the struggle to not let your guard down (if I'm correct) while still immersed in the moment, and full of imagery and metaphors that were fantastic!
I can't even point out what my favorite parts were because there are too many... you write very well! very nicely done! I look forward to reading more from you.
Thanks for sharing.
Hebs -
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Yeah, you got it right, with the whole letting your guard down thing. That's difficult for me. lol
Thank you for the comment
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I think I shall wonder..
..how sincere "lol" is when contained in an author's note forever more after reading this.
Should one look up the meaning of "sempiternity" and "eternity" in the Oxford Latin Dictionary, one may come to see how they differ. I say this if only because one usually associates the experience of eternity with sempiternal bliss, or at least I have. Again, a review be called for by your use of that word here, on my part at least: when in those nights I knew an ending must not come I knew that in the end it would be not one who emerged to merge with universe, no eternity so free as a fated bliss that forever miss the one who were you and me, yeah, the one who were you and me, ie. I never felt it be an eternity.
I don't know about the use of the word "flying" in the last line. It stands alone (sic) in as much as the rest of the piece is literal, realism well versified prose (and thus poetic). I might suggest, if I thought it best, a recalling of the first line, as in a slumping, to a lying on the bathroom floor, with a touch of rhyming, but not too much of that sinister sauce that could amplify itself into robbing away the magic realism cast of the preceding verses. But I don't think it best, simply suggesting by way of example, for myself if only:
Solitude, hand-in-hand, hearts spread,
Flying on the bathroom floor, lead zeppelin.
Classical allusions are not always, but judiciously used, welcome. But I would have had the slumping and lying bit, were I not .. well, I am not, and you are, so...
Very Nice it was,
But now I must go,
MA.
*Were it not for the verses
"Make me stop dreaming that
You are he and
I am her."
I would have only
twiced, for that I am a bit of a bastard when assessing truly well writen pieces (I too find inspiration lies in the shower, or at least I used to - which suggests another alternative ending, inspiration floored and all that). But since the Satori of this suggestion exists here & now, I thrice. Nicely done.
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I love the flow in this piece...beautifully written
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Wow, now this was a pleasure to read. I love the stream-of-consciousness feel to it, and the beautiful imagery ~
"Your eyes hold the forest, my dear;
I think I have the clearing you’ve been looking for."
Wonderfully irrelevant and beautifully integrated into the poem. Shows a wandering mind, which is perfect for this piece
"Never will again, after ten whole seconds of feeling eternity.
I don’t approve of that place."
Okay wow. It's brilliant that you're talking of forever and eternity in a negative sense when so many people wish for it; like you've tasted it and found it to not be as great as it's made out to be. Really powerful, miss >;D
Claps for you!
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lol, thank you very much. I do enjoy the fact that you like the whole negative forever aspect. I wasn't sure how people were going to take that one
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Sometimes there is No Way back...
...
time presses, and Innocence does not return to the Mortal whirled.
Master Anarchy
aka
The Vampyre Thubbaalon.
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