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taste test






there is a stain
in back
where the kind men stole
her trust -

caked to a spoon
that was used to stir her insides
out

~

like every good little girl
she was expected

to lick the wood clean


hopefully,
before the lie could set








Author notes

Hey - at least I wrote something

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Exodus gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    I should kick you for your AN, but the piece itself won't let me. I don't know how you write so beautifully, and painfully, but I love it.

    If I'm being harsh and holding you to a higher standard than everyone else, then I think you could have added something to the last line. It seems a little like the rest of the piece is saying that, and this is a repetition of that.

    Then again, in the name of fair play I'm not allowed to do that


  • stasis
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    How did I not see this when it was first posted?!
    This is excellent... I love your poetry. You say so much, it seems effortless.
    Beautiful.


  • Naridill
    July 30
    Edit | Reply
    .


    • Naridill
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      Agree muchly.
      You write with poetic power and force.


  • Night Hope gold member
    July 25

    Edit | Reply

    Yay!!!



  • LettersFromtheSky
    July 24

    Edit | Reply
    This reminded me of a song thats popular on the radio right now, "good girls go bad" by Cobra Starship. It has been awhile since you've written something, glad to see something new from you Interesting metaphor though, you have baked a cake for us to digest and ponder over (never mind that sanitation went out the window during the cooking process) As a kid, whenever my mom was baking something in the kitchen, me and my twin always argued over who got the spoon, and who got the mixing bowl when she was done making whatever it was. Best wishes in the contest.

1 - 6 of 6