I love the stars and the moon,
That shine bright at night,
They affect you and me more than is in sight,
They make our world full of light,
And help guide us to the right,
We should give them more credit,
Because when their gone,
The only thing in sight,
With be the black hole,
That took them away with all its might,
We wont know why or when this will be,
So we should charish the moon and stars that we see,
For when that black hole comes,
There won't be anything left,
Not even you nor me,
We will all be gone,
Never to return,
And the beauty of the stars that burned,
Will be lost in the black abyss forever,
We can not turn back the pages of our book,
But we can change what's going to be written,
So for you and me we need to see,
What's in front of our faces,
The night time sky,
Is so divine,
It is cooler than can be,
We have the gift of sight,
So we should look and see,
How beautiful real beauty can be.
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1 - 5 of 5
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great i think your right. It was beautiful.
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I can understand what you were trying to say with this piece but it's too long. You get redundant in a bad way on this one. You're using words that sound urgent, heavy, or important, and rhyming them like Dr. Seuss. It's messing with the meaning of your work. Your meter is a mess in the wrong way; it looks like you just wrote this down once. but either the lines came to you at long intervals, or you weren't focused on the work. There are two lines in the poem where all the sudden a book metaphor pops in and out of existence. I understand the meaning in the two lines but they're out of place. I can see that the message on this poem is that everything is in flux and we should appreciate what is here in the present instead of taking it for granted. You also express the warning that we can't "turn back the pages of time". I mean, I get this poem and I'm not trying to be rude to you. I'm just trying to tell you what I see so you can figure out what you might want to work on.
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AGREEED !
i agreee wit ya, if they wasnt there it wud bee nuthing but pitch black, witch wud be ugly and boring, butt the starz and da moon nmake the night so sexy.
luv dis
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Embracing the darkness beautifully and bring to light all the wonders in its graceful darkness...I enjoyed reading your words immensely, well done
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very nice,deep. u really write great poetry
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