standing in the sinking sand
white foam splashing on the the land
washing out what used to be
just footprints in the sand.
walking towards an endless sun
my mind is anything but done.
vanishing in the sea of dreams
Yet all i hear is screams.
Wishing for the stars to burst
longing for her not to hurt
sinking slowly in the sand
with no one there to hold my hand
watching all the waves collapse
as soon as they kiss the sand.
just a rant, feedback
Comments
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I think
its cute. it sounds like something a lil kid would read lol ... but i really like it
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Awe, I really like it gorgeous.
Even if you think it sounds Dr. Seuss I don't think so. I really like the upbeat rhythm with the darker undertone, it makes it feel more like a thought process than an expression which is what you said you meant to do.
"longing for her not to hurt"
who's that about? lol
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