Mysterious and deep,
every colour from the oceans waves
to the deepest green leaf
of a soul searching gaze.
Alive and bright with happiness,
or a waterfall of tears
full of sadness.
The eyes are the key
to your lovers soul
a window of love,
emotion untold.
See the untruths through a liar's eyes
deceiving and harsh, deadpan no vibe,
holding a blanket
of deception they hide.
The eyes are a profound enigma of life,
a secretive place where no one can pry.....
A contest entry
- Just Rhyme II by shewalksintomine.
1550 points, ended August 10, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Win More Than Once? by MJ Forgives.
1218 points, ended November 12, 224 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I loved the concept for your poem, even the title. It's what drew me to it.
My favourite part to your poem is "holding a blanket of deception they hide".
I encourage you to keep writing.
good luck in the contest! -
what a beautiful poem you have penned!!!
my ultimately favorite part:
holding a blanket
of deception they hide
your ending was so mysterious!!! i loved it. to sum it all up, i'd say that this irrefutable poem was...
"A staggering drop of reality into the dreaming world, like a dash of thunder where there are no storms, and a trembling step towards the infinite- whispering lies luring you to the end."
Eyes are indeed indecisive, and varied. A nice little write to them, and a lovely insight on emotions they show. Good luck and best wishes in the contest!
Regards,
Claire
Tinselpool
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Wow that is a really great poem. It really made me breathless. I really love your poem right there. It is great. I hope you do wonderful in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
-Jess
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The eyes can say so much without a single sound. It's amazing. Nice to see a tribute to them once in a while.
Thanks for entering and best of luck. -
"deceiving and harsh, deadpan no vibe," has an awesome rhythm! It stopped me in my tracks... in a good way.
In the second stanza, the third line seems like it is completely irrelevant and serves only the purpose of rhyming with the first line. I would omit it because it is redundant. I know tears aren't always sad ones, but if "a waterfall of tears" doesn't have heart-wrenching connotations originally, I don't know what does!!
This poem is full of slant rhymes. That's not a bad thing. If the contest didn't ask specifically for rhymes, I wouldn't have even mentioned it because they serve the same purpose to the ear. It's just an observation that there are few real rhymes.
This is a great poem, overall. Eyes are the most amazing piece of human bodies, without a doubt.
Take care, thanks for entering, & best of luck!
Kelsey-Jo -
Oh, eyes. How they can tell us everything and yet nothing at all at the same time. It's incredible. Well done poem.
Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck to you. Please refrain from rating or replying to any comment made by me or my lovely and wonderful cojudge(s). -
very nice, I like it...the first verse kinda bugged me, but once I got into the poem, it was great...
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oops....
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I really liked this...a persons eyes can tell you a lot but not everything...my favorite lines were "The eyes are a profound enigma of life,/a secretive place where no one can pry....." those just spoke to me....the flow was really good as well as the rhyme...great write and keep on penning...
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