She cries for the children she can not remember,
thinking they soon will return to their home
Frantically, calling all those who surround her,
to search for the little ones wandering alone
Helpless, I place my arms 'round her shoulders,
hoping to fill this huge void in her heart
How to convince her the children are older,
life has left her alone, her world torn apart
Looking through innocent eyes she is pleading,
to hold on to memories slipping away
A face that once was so youthful and needing,
now showing signs of the torment each day
A woman so loved by the life that she gave,
clutching to each precious moment's remains
Daughters enraptured, emotional waves,
feeling the life line that runs through the veins
Sons who are silently weeping for gentle,
hands that once wiped the tears from their face
Steadily being the stronghold, the mental,
fortress their forefathers taught to embrace
She will forget all the laughter and sorrows,
of this world, one day when she's called to come home
There she will find peace, no need for tomorrows,
the echoes from yesterday, forever will roam
Author notes
I hurt for my mother-in-law. She is such a wonderful person going through such hard times.
Your Thoughts?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very sad and very nicely written. My only query bis the very last line which seems a little bit stilted and artificial. I have no suggestions specifically how to improve it as that ain't my job - but maybe think about it.............
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Yes, I changed it because someone else said the same thing, but I liked it in the original version much better....although now I don't remember it.
Thank you for the critique!
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Oh My...
"Looking through innocent eyes she is pleading,
to hold on to memories slipping away
A face that once was so youthful and needing,
now showing signs of the torment each day
A woman so loved by the life that she gave,
clutching to each precious moment's remains
Daughters enraptured, emotional waves,
feeling the life line that runs through the veins"
A cloud of despair looms over those who walk before us as mortality's coil tightens.
That's what my heart weeps for, as I read those lines you had written above.
Then flashback's of my youth flood my mind now and begs the question: Does my mother remember these precious memories that she once held so dear?
A truly powerful offering that provokes thought with the weight of each word.
A beautiful poem on one of the agonizing aspects of aging.
Riviting from beginning to end. God bless your parents for giving us at AP the gift of your words poetess.
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I do believe that was one of the best comments I have ever had. Thank you so much
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I thought ...
that this was an endearing sort-of poem that describes what some baby boomers are beginning to face as they watch their parent's slip slowly away and really can't do much to help them, other than stand by. There was one place that I wondered if you really meant to say "wandering" instead of wondering. Please check line 4 verse 1. All in all this is a touching poem for those that have been there and for those that may have to face this, it may serve to open their eyes a bit. It's not an easy situation at all to have to go through and someday we may have to walk that very path as the patient as well. Nicely shared. joy
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Yes, thank you for pointing that out to me and thank you for the comment.
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This is a beautiful but sad poem. the structure is wonderful. I love your rhythm and rhyme. just one change that I would suggest, and that would be in the fifth verse "Sons who are silently weeping for gentle,
arms that once wiped the tears from their face"
I would possibly change to
"Sons who are silently weeping for gentle,
hands that once wiped the tears from their face"
other than that.
excellent write.
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Thank you!! I don't know why I put arms??? It should be hands!! Thanks for showing me that.
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