She was
like going through
the sharpened side
of an envisioned
blade.
one that killed Achilles
as he edged his heel forward
and no one saw him die,
though they all watched.
She was Olympus to Hades
and all the folds in between.
Stance precarious
Pride; as a hydra.
Creamy lines of a toga
touch the edge,
moving like the point
of a billowed
compass.
Through gifts, broken
glass, set
in supposedly strong
metals.
fingers
As damned as taking
a pomegranate seed
and just as tempting.
They curved and fell
with the rest of the earth
as it blindly passed by.
Well,
what would you have done?
Author notes
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." -Hunter S. Thompson
So many good prompts. But this one just grabbed me by the throat.
This is my first poem in nine months.
I think I've failed the last requirement.
Oh, it's me, Lauren ♥
A contest entry
- there's gonna be a knife fight in china town. by bird-mad girl.
1750 points, ended September 8, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Lauren my love, I'm so pleased you entered. not only that, but I'm happy to see a poem from you! wonderful! I feel like a special secret anget because not only do I read your poetry but your stories because most people don't hop back and forth between the websites because they're... well, frankly, lamesauces.
anywho.
I've been waiting a long time for something for you and I can say it's honestly worth the wait.
The imagery reminded me of your story Di Repetere. also, the piece itself reminded me of that story, falling over the edge bece of the the allurement of someone else.
The opening stanza is truly startling. it's very crisp and makes me feel like I'm in danger. it's like being a lamb approaching the slaughterhouse and being fully aware of what happens there.
"She was Olympus to Hades
and all the folds in between."
-I fucking LOVE that. she seems so vast and encompassing.
the stanza with the edge and "billowed compass" was brilliant. it gave me this wildly isolated feeling. like standing at the edge of a cliff when the sky is dark with a storm and the world is thrashing around and the wind is howling so loudly you can't hear a thing so all you think about doing is jumping.
This piece was really seductive, like this woman herself had pushed me over the edge and left me. I can relate to that a lot and this piece makes me want to fall all over again.
Also, I'm completely impressed that you choose the Hunter S. Thompson quote but I had a feeling that if you picked a quote, it would have been that one ;]
Love you always and forever.
-
Very nicely done
This is an incredible write... really enjoyable to read.... I truly love these lines..Creamy lines of a toga
touch the edge,
moving like the point
of a billowed
compass.
great job..
PKO -
dreamy and steamy
I loved this write it was suggestive without being overly blatant keep writing like this one and I will fast become a fan! -
wonderful
Hunter S. Thompson and you are correct. If you have not seen the edge, fallen or jumped it can not be explained.... your poem has wonderful imagery and feeling..
PKO
-
My goodness! I cannot put my finger on what makes this poem so.damn.amazing!! I wish I could, so I could start channeling it. And the allusions are brilliant! I love the stanza on pomegranates.
Bro. Zach
-
i LOVE all the allusion in this. i do, i do, i do. it holds this perfect balance between reality and fiction.
They curved and fell
with the rest of the earth
as it blindly passed by.
-that is just amazingly emotive and strong. the phrasing is beautiful and i reads so well i had to repeat it alloud.
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