Evolving

A year has passed
And I am still here
A year ago I doubted I'd live
Yet I am still here
Sweet air tasted bitter
How I wish'd I'd choke on it
Suffocate
Die
But here I am,
Alive and well,
Breathing never tasted
So refreshing
Yes,
It's true
A year ago I dreamed of my grave
My glimmering black coffin,
My pale white face
Cold
Hollow
Corpse
Lying for eternity in Earth
I dreamed of freedom
No heaven
No hell
Just oblivion
Nothingness
Non-existence
Not caring for the living
No afterlife for I
Or any of the other dead
Yes,
That was me
What seemed only yesterday
I was wishing for death
I was wishing for freedom
Death never came
Never even bothered to brush
Against my quivering,
Tear stained skin
Only a year ago
I saw nothing for me
No soul mate
Because I was ugly
No children
Because I was irresponsible
No work
Because I couldn't take it
No existence
Because no one seemed to care
What happened to that girl?
The fat one
The dumb one
The girl whose life
Just felt like hell?
The girl who won nothing in her eyes
No one's attention
No one's compassion
No one's love.
Sometimes I remember her,
I have to thank her sometimes
For being ugly,
For being stupid,
For slouching and hiding from the world,
For wanting to evolve
For pushing herself towards her dreams,
Longing to be something she thought
She'd never be
But here I am
The same body
The same face
But evolved
My smile shines through my eyes
My happiness reflects off my glow
No longer is this body fat
The curves of a young woman
Reveled underneath baggy cloths and fried food
Life tastes too good
Too perfect
To toss away now
I thank that girl
Sometimes
For evolving
For making up excuses
For being stupid
Even for her distaste of life
Oh sweet, sweet life,
For without her
I would be lost in the labyrinth of
Life
I would never know how to live
Or smile
Or laugh
Or love
Yes,
It was only a year ago I wanted to die
It is today though, that I live
I live
And I bear a smile on my face
I live
And I love it