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Tuesdays

twisted flesh
i feel goddess like

striving for faith
in one thing
i believe in you

forward jutting hips
locked with my lips
i feel poetic
mingled with your body

i feel closer to the possibility
of happiness
do you feel this
that's my nervous laugh
do you feel this
my hands gently searching
for a way to get into
infect infest
all thought process

i want to be the only one
the only identity you can
identify

i am yours
i am yours
with no question
and i need no explanation
i am yours
and i'm home

Author notes

I am falling in love with you and I have no doubt. I've never been treated this way by anyone in my whole stupid life.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Chainsaw
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    I like the obscenity and passion of this. I'd go into more depth if I wasn't meant to be doing last minute prep for my English exam (But I know I'll do very well in it - reading your work will invoke my analysis skills?)


  • Max Ritvo
    July 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really refreshing change of pace! Your sincerity and clarity of imagery make for a piece that vibrates with an emotional purity and earnestness to sweeten the edge of the carnality.

    A couple of times I think you fall into some cliche-- but that's really the hardest thing about writing about love-- those fucking cliches work so well. "twisted flesh" isn't terribly original and has a coarse cadence, perhaps focusing in on a specific element of that twisted flesh-- the toes, the fingers, the earlobes would lend this a great intimacy, immediacy, and authenticity. I'm a bit ambivalent on your ending- on one hand it's very sweet and honest, on the other it's not the most original. But if that's how you feel, maybe it's truer to the integrity of the poem to leave it.

    hyphenate Goddess-like.

    I'm very glad you've found someone to treat you properly-- enjoy the blossom of love and I hope it will mature into a beautiful, lasting relationship.

  • Vigilant Grifter
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    typo in the final stanza.

    It's a very sexy piece. >_> I feel like I'm interrupting once again by even leaving this comment, and that's not exactly something I need to walk in on.

    I hope, if you shared it, he liked it.


    • Annexed Josephine
      July 24
      Edit | Reply
      thank you very much for letting me know the typo.

      what can i say, i'm a people pleaser. and this relationship is fucking fantastic.