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I'm still broken


Everything that hit's me in the face
Life picks up and it happens in that place
Out of order is what I call it!
Fucking stupid Life that we commit!
Bio father hated me; I was a worthless piece of shit
Yes... that did screw me up when I was a kid
Bullied for years...the once I fought back
On the outside of the estate I was the one attacked
Guess what... It was my fault!!
Every-time I covered the pain in my life with lies
To hide to pain and hurt from mum's eyes
"back to square one" She'd exclaim
Being raped at fourteen with her ill!!
Now how could I explain??
Mum, my sister and I moved away
No one allowed to keep in touch
For our own safety - but totally gay!
Bulimia had me now by the teeth...
The only way I could hide what was underneath
The dirt and the shame...the nightmares and pain
I refused to be little anymore...
Left the old me at my Old door!!
Smoking cigarettes and being insane
Fucking anything that came my way
To feel loved...for my body to be accepted..
But the rape just kept coming to hit me!!
So I cut...it out..
refusing to scream and shout
Falling for a thirty seven year old man
I was fifteen and my heart just Ran
Infatuation ... it nearly killed me!!
Gary...he saved me and beat the shit out of me
What else was life going to throw in my face!!
Living was a fucking disgrace!
Eighteen and sorting myself out
Enjoying clubbing, giggling and having a shout
Brutally raped for four hours...
This is where life did turn very sour!!
Battling the will to die
Then step - dad beat me to suicide..
A carer for mum...cannot leave!!
I hated it so much; I couldn't grieve
Now I am still here smiling
inside though ..


I'm still broken...


Author notes

41.I'm still broken

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • X.brokenlover.X
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was soo intense! great job showing emotions and really just shoving them out there. Great write thanks for entering and good luck in the contest


  • LeilaJayne
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    Can tell this poem is full of hatred... i feel the pain with every word!
    Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest x


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This was amazing. It was moving and good. I really enjoyed this. Keep up the awsome work. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Fucking stupid Life that we commit!
    Hang on, what do 'we' commit?
    I'm confused... I think the intention to rhyme meant this line made no sense. Or at least not to me...

    Bio father hated me; I was a worthless piece of shit
    No you weren't. Whetehr you felt it or not is a different story.

    For our own safety - but totally gay!
    You weren't gay... If you meant something else, I'm confused again...

    Bulimia had me now by the teeth...
    The only way I could hide what was underneath. THOSE two lines worked incredibly well.. An example of when rhyme goes right!

    Fucking anything that came my way
    That was a good line. Very self reflective...

    And then you jump into 'have that' mode, where you think of everything and put it all in about 4 lines leaving the reader thinking WFT??!!!
    Which, admittedly, is probably how you felt at the time...


  • ravenofdarkness
    September 10
    Edit | Reply
    sorry my brower was laggy and i posted a 2 times and i dont know how to delate


  • ravenofdarkness
    September 10
    Edit | Reply
    good write very sad hope you feel better in the future


  • stargardt13
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    The poem itself was incredible. And the emotions within it were very well put out there.
    I am so very sorry that you had to experience this. Life really does seem like it handed you hell.
    Thank you for entering my contest and never give up trying.


  • Violent Glass
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    fucking incredible, i loved this! the way you wrote it is amazing! thanx for sharing with me!


  • EMOverlord
    August 17

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    Very upsetting. Thank you for entering this in my contest. Best of luck to you.


  • starving4perfection
    August 14

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    aww its so sad! i can relate to it all except the rape bit
    im so sorry if its truee
    'Bulimia had me now by the teeth...
    The only way I could hide what was underneath
    The dirt and the shame...the nightmares and pain' so relatable
    thanks for the entry and good luck!


  • serenity silvermoon
    July 26

    Edit | Reply
    wow i hope this is not a true story if it is i am so sorry my life is pretty much the same but in a way i think mine was worse if you want to know more about my story just let me know and i will tell you i think that this poem would be more suitable with a black background and red writing thanks for sharing good luck in the contests


  • angel nerd
    July 23

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    man thats deep and true for many of us. we have things we go through and you would never know how many victums are around you. its just our life we hide inside for no one else to find. the poem is really good i must say


  • moaner
    July 23

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    i can still see why ur still angry with mike. if anything was to trigger you, that was. i know you hated him for doing that, and if i was you, i would have too. it's funny, you have more strength than mike or your mum put together. its amazing how well you cope xxxxxxx


  • awannabepoet
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    You know if and when you falter, if and when you feel the deep shame, remember this...

    It is not your own doing and it is not you the child, the lamb, it is the wolves that come into our lives that need the slaughtering.

    I knwo life is not fucking perfect all you have to do is read up on good old Marquis de Sade to know that back in the old days it seems things were very different and today we find it reprehensible.

    I would wish to think your spirit is strong and shall never be fucking broken by anyhting nor anyone. Let your will to live shine through the words that you write and stuck the fucking insanity.. I want to see more than a white chip in your hands and the serenity prayer on your lips.

    Sign of peace!


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    July 23

    Edit | Reply
    *nods* I am here for you, you know that. I will hold your hand through the bad times and listen with an open mind and heart. The poem was wonderfully done. You held me from beginning to end. Liked the way you rhymed in it also. Thank you for sharing this.

  • J Macabre gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    God the end of that is so sad. makes me want to cry. I can see why it'd hurt to write this....


    • DEAL xx WITH xx IT
      July 22
      Edit | Reply
      ((((hugs))))) ty babe... yeh that was hard but needed venting out... prob sounds emo and shit but who cares...does it have a good pissed off rhythm?? lol xxx


  • xXMe17xX
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    nice title

1 - 19 of 19