His smile was
dawn's slip
into a darkened room.
The hat he wore
(syrup sticky
from the dumpster
outside the local Waffle-House)
sat cocked to the left
on his head,
the mimic of Pisa
a dream never seen.
His hands slick as a greased
hairless feline, rummaged
my purse with hope
that its void could spare
a dollar or two.
His voice purred, hypnotic
baritone, sensuous as Flack's croon
of promised sunrises.
But, it was the speak
of his eyes that engaged me,
telling a story of way when.
Portals to swirled
Coffee-House yesterdays,
highs of maryjane,
taps of beatnik pads,
delusions of petal power.
Cool Cat Wilson
gorged with peace,
love and happiness.
He's boarded here
and now's bus, taking rides
that fray his pants,
tatter his hat,
gray his beard,
ride man, ride
there's no getting off.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Very fun to read. I like the story. You are very descriptive and its easy to imagine exactly what Wilson looks like. You did a really great job.
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Very well written. I loved how you put your words together and it flowed wonderfully. Thanks for sharing.
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Superb
I find this to be a very fine write, just as it is with wonderful imagery. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing.
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imaginative . expressive & fictional
good nice poem.... -
It's a type I am somewhat familiar with, the type who gets away with a lot. Nice in a way to be on "here and now's bus"; most of us end up getting off sooner or later.
Enjoyed your write.
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I love the imagery, and I do agree with the others. There doesn't have to be so many line breaks, but if it's your style then I suppose it's what you do. Great wordig, and I liked the flow
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you don't need so many comas gives too many pauses where it isnt needed. Otherwise your poem is awesome.
"Portals to swirled
Coffee-House yesterdays,
Highs of Maryjane,
taps of beatnik pads,
delusions of petal power"
^^Favorite stanza!
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LESS LINE BREAKS, I AGREE WITH SINFUL, BUT BESIDES THAT, THIS WAS A WONDERFUL PIECE OF WRITING, TAKE CARE
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Well worth the read
First impression...a storyteller, you. The charm of this write is in the small details that descibe someone we all know...a neighbor or someone we see on the street. The methodical slow movement of the lines allow the reader time to visualize the picture. I am wondering if you might do with less line breaks here...to help pull the thoughts into a tighter sequence . This is a good solid write that would be even better with hardly much effort on your part. Good pen!
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Wow. That was awesome. You write like...like poets I once aspired to be before I realized I could never mimic much less come close to commanding language like them.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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I love this! Such a simple story you really made it POP and come to life, I would love to just follow this guy around and keep reading about his story, great work!
I want more
Thanks for sharing, have a good day!
x
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His hands slick as a greased hairless feline, rummaged I got a good laugh from this line, But, it was the speak of his eyes that engaged me. I can identify with this line. It happens on almost a daily basis. You got to watch their eyes. Thank you for sharing and it was a very enjoyable read.
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it was the speak
of his eyes that engaged me,
telling a story of way when.
way when --> way back when? i don't know. it just sounds like a word is missing.
that's also my favourite part though. i love 'the speak of his eyes.' beautiful. -
it was the speak
of his eyes that engaged me,
telling a story of way when.
way when --> way back when? i don't know. it just sounds like a word is missing.
that's also my favourite part though. i love 'the speak of his eyes.' beautiful. -
a precious poem that makes me very glad, today. poignant and sweet, every line is a joy to read. you are a talented poet and i am so glad to read your work.
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Wonderful~
Dear Simp,
Don't know if this is helpful or not but you took me on a ride with this poem.
There was much you told me and much you left to my imagination.
All and all I loved this journey. Your word choice was joyful to read.
Jane
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