Dear Squoosy-Pants
Sorry I haven’t been in touch for a while. I’ve been looking for work. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been as easy as I’d hoped.
I’ve decided to take a risk and go out on my own, make a name for myself… I’ve always wanted to be my own boss and finally that dream has come true!!
I have taken up naked uni-cycling. To be a little different, I do it on tightropes. I’m the only one of my kind in the whole of Australia, probably the only one of my kind in the whole world actually.
So far, business has been good but we’ll see how it goes… fingers, toes and unmentionables crossed tight!!
I do this gig without nets… yep, that’s right – WITHOUT NETS!! I mainly do shows for the elderly but my real goal is to one day perform at the Candles-by-Candlelight Christmas concert. It may be too early to dream so far ahead but in the future I’d like to make it to Vegas. Silly, I know… a small-time, naked tightrope uni-cyclist from Australia making it to Vegas?!! A girl can dream, cant she??
Anyways, back to reality…
I’ve been really popular at the local senior citizens hall. I like to think of my performances as my “good deed to society”. Even though it gives the oldies down at the home something to look forward to every Thursday, I don’t really do it for the karma points… the truth is, I do it because it makes me feel pretty.
Grandma has been filling in for me now and then but she cant kick it like she used to and she's always on about "my arthritis this, my arthritis that". It gets a little tedious after a while. I say harden the fuck up, old lady!!!
Oh Squooshy-Pants, I have finally found the career for me. I have finally found happiness and I am over-the-moon!!
So, all in all… life is looking up for me!
Well, I hope all is well & happy with you. Maybe one day when I’m rich and famous, you can join me???!!! What a great team we'd make huh?!
I look forward to hearing from you soon. I’ve been missing you, you know.
Anyways… I wish you sunshine, rainbows and lollipops until we meet again, my sweet friend.
Sincerely, with love
Dini xx
In a list
A contest entry
- And I wanted a letterbox full. [letters (ohno)] by Noir mariposa...x.
700 points, ended October 6, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - New Favorites Wanted by pineapple-eyes.
1300 points, ended August 29, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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Brilliant comedy
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i loved it.
But I thought you were telling the truth... Haven't seen you in days so I was thinking, wow!! Way to go!! Yep, you could ride the wire and speak your poetry, and go deep, real deep on topics about life and love... There was a naked woman doing a pole dance on a train recently, I would have loved to have seen that. I bet you she was a poet too. And between her gyrating, and sighs of exertion she no doubt spun a few lines of wonder...
Tadgh
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i actaully believed it i can see you doing all that and more great work baby and poor nana is she single .. well theres nuthing here in adelaide lol .. you are a funi one indeed and so is that sweets below me hilaroius
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OMG... you had me laughing so hard that i literally had to stop reading this because my eyes were blurred from the tears... this is what i need to be reading more of... too TOO funny.
and now, on a serious note... your grandma is WAY cool... arthritis and all. i want to try this... i bet the exhilaration and cool air blowing in all directions keeps you going back for more (not to mention the older crowd's gasping and oooing and awwing.)
ok.. i need to settle down now. you are a crack up. i need to read more.
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toooo funny !!!
lol where does one find the muse for this, to me life is just one great bar joke waiting to happen ...just let life roll and it will come to you...lol popped in to see what was going on and hell the dishes can wait i have to read this twice ... and to anyone who wanders in the room ty for the laugh and the motivation. I too need to get a job. Looking for a new suit...might want to check out the emporors wardrobe...
Zanny -
Wow, this was GREAT!!! I loved every word of it, it made me laugh and put a smile on my face! Best of all, it's different from all the rest. I don't think I have ever read anything like it before..I want to read more.
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Well now I have images of some old naked lady up on a unicycle bitching about arthritis...thanks. Like I'll sleep tonight after that haha.
Such a delightfully random letter. Except for the title (dead give away) I did not see that coming haha. Well done. Good luck in the contest
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this was different
Even though it gives the oldies down at the home something to look forward to every Thursday, I don’t really do it for the karma points… the truth is, I do it because it makes me feel pretty.
you've written a ...poem? not really sure, but you didn't write something different, something odd. er, did. good job!
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One day, when you're rich and famous
I'd love to join you. You can visit my senior citizen's center anytime. No pun intended, really. No, really. -
Well I came by because I had read this a while back and laughed so much...I just had to read it again. Thank you
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how freakin hilarious!
I love your sense of humor lol 
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That was brilliant and well I forgive me for being so tardy in discovering your page, missy .. I had to do some reading after you declared that love was not some ugly shade of green.
LOL
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hahaha 'harden the fuck up, old lady'
that's awesome!
you get many happimens
vvv vvv vvv
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Really loved the seriousness that you showed when writing about something so funny. It is a wonderful job, and I am glad I stumbled upon this one today, it put a much needed smile on my face and made me think of better things in life. Keep up the good work!
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YAY!!! i got a smile out of you... my job is done keep up the smiles xx
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Hahah wonderfully fabulous I wasn't having a very good day but you got a smile out of me -- Congrats oo there's two now.. It's nice to see a freewrite-letter-watever poem instead of the standard normal abab- 4 line- rhymers good job again!! Keep it up ...3 smiles..
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thank you!
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I laughed out loud at this one, it really brightened up my day.
Thanks for sharing!!
--Katie.
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ohh.. i'm so please i've brightened your day
now you've brightened mine
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Ha! Loved it. A shot in the arm category. Letters matter, now don't they? They carry the inner poetry and the haibons (haiku used in between prose, patches of reflections) I have a series of letters as well and they're too much fun.
I like the honesty and yet carefulness of hurting others. Up front. To the point.
Did you know "Dini" or "Deenie" is Lebanese for 'dear one'?
Yup.
Okay. Got the appertif, now I want to read more of your work.
CookieZeal
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WOW... i didnt know that! 'dear one', huh?! i like it i feel all special now hehehe...
thank you for your comments
hope to catch you around xx
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Excellent
'tis a very fine write, indeed. You expressed your thoughts quite well. Thank you for sharing this letter/poem with us. Again, very well done.
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I was thinking that this was a show my husband would go to an never think about
hurrying home to write his own poetry!
Wonderful job! You are your own boss for sure!
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i had a gramma that would do that! too bad she's gone... hell, i'm old enough to be a gramma... i'm not doin' it, though. oh, well... follow your dreams, i say. never hurts to feel pretty, either. Vegas could use ya about now. things are a bit depressed there, too, they say...
okay, i s'pose i've said enough to earn some points in this new system.
this really is a damn good write!
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This is so cute and funny! I loved reading it, it was very refreshing and new, like nothing I've seen before. I especially enjoyed the bit about your grandma filling in, haha. Keep up the fun and creative writing!!!!
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Funny. I like it
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wow thats exceptional better an my career which is being a lion tamer ballet dancer ..love your letter an excellent write dear poet...gotta a go leons chasing me again
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I love this
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I saw the title to this & had to read it & I'm glad I did because you made me laugh! I needed a smile & that's what this brought me!
I wish I had an older sister like you! Quite the entrepenuer!
I loved this write it was fun!
Thanks for sharing!
my favorite part:
"Grandma is filling in for me now and then but she cant kick it like she used to and she's always on about "my arthritis this, my arthritis that". It gets a little tedious after a while. I say harden up old lady!!!"
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I loved it!! I don't know what compelled me to read this one, perhaps the title!! It was refreshing! Great job
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I noticed this in a note from ears... this piece is very humourous. I like it... Perhaps I should try?
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I think this is a humorous piece. I am a much more tradition poet and dont really see the letter form as it is practices on this site as poetry, though I have read some very interesting ones.
Thanks for sharing.
Mike -
I tried naked unicycling, but I got tangled up in the chain.
It sounds like you love this guy alot. Follow your heart and it will all go well with you.
I bet your gramma is a hottie. hisaddi already sent hers over to see me.
It took me a while to wake up today.
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OUCH!!! yeah, maybe it's not the career for you!! dont want to disappoint hisaddi by tearing off the jewels
my grandma is HOT... she cant wait to "meet" you
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LMAO!!
Very funny! and clever too..and hell i'd pay to see you nude in Vegas or anywhere for that matter! l.o.l. but that's only because i like to show my support..
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wow im glad ur living up to ur dreams dini
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Very funny. Be sure to let me know when the act starts touring. Sounds like a must catch gig.
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Yes but are you wearingn a helmet?
Omg! I love this! A naked unicyclist? That's awesome. If your Gran gets tired I can send you mine. I would offer to do it myself but I am uaually drunk by the time I look at bikes. My Gran is good at flying airplanes while stoned. So...she can def be there if you need her. Only thing about that is she gets paid in pot and young studs and I don't think Whitey wants to screw her after the last time. Long story, let's just say...turns out you can still be terrible even when you take your teeth out. what ever. he's ungrateful. So....We'll need to ask another one. lol.
Love you!
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lmao!!! i dont wear a helmut, i find it too restricting
whitey should be grateful - older women come with a lifetime of experience and the no-teeth thing is a blessing!!
i may need to borrow your gran now and then. my grandma keeps chatting up the clientelle... it's embarrassing
love your guts, beautiful girl xx
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Hahahahha
Hahahahhaa
I loved this.
That was great!!!!
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loved it.......laughing and Laughing!
wiping joyful tears from my face and soul...
that was wonderfully=wicked- to enjoy!
WE Salute your "good deed to soceity"
at least someone is doing something "remarkable"
to assist this recovery!
lol
loved it!
ears/Seattle
WAY TO WRITE and Release your MUSE!
p.s. sending you soothing Aloe in case you sunburn!
It's the least I could do to salute a true rebel like you!
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Wow. This was...entertaining. Mainly for the reason my brother read it and is now going out to find the job.
He's crazy in his own way. But this was really interesting. The title made me laugh. Are you really or is it just a poem? I ask because I know someone that chases after sharks on a jet ski and wants one to bite him. 
My family and friends are CUCKOO!
Dax
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maybe i am.... maybe i'm not i'll leave it up to you to decide xx
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Umm. Very bad image. I really don't know and I'm afraid that you're going to say yes.
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My
Very interesting indeed. Where can one sign up... The view must be wonderful. Lol very witty poet.
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well i reckon business will be good for a naked uni cyclist lol in fact may i book you for the whole of next september - you can cycle across my washing line for a bit, it will be good practise.
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i have checked my diary but unfortunately i am completely booked out in september... seems i have children's parties on the weekends and kindergartens each day of the week. i am sorry, i seem to be quite busy business really is picking up
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i was having a rotten day... until this. now i'm smiling and considering a career change. being a poet sucks. being a unicyclist... that seems like a fun ride.
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oh.. and i'm glad to have put a smile on your face.
love, kisses & cuddly squishes.
i tomorrow treats you better xx -
join me, my friend.. i could do with some backup. falling without nets can do quite some damage. its always nice to know someone can continue the good-will whilst i am concussed and hospitalised xx
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Dear Dee,
My Name is Felix Good. I am the pesident of Candles-by-Candlelight Christmas Concert Esq. I t is with great pleasure , that i invate you t be our guest this year. As you know our elderly and cunfused sitizans need entertainment. I believe that your ass would go very well with this years evant.
Looking fourward to seeing you then.
Yours truley,
Felix
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OH BOY, OH BOY, OH BOY!!!! my dreams are unfolding right before my very eyes!!! i am squealing with excitement. i accept your offer, mr good, and i hope i will not disappoint.
thank you for your consideration and kind acceptance.
i will send you a bill shortly.
yours sincerely
dee, unicyclist extraordinaire xx
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Oh, please, Dee, invest in a few nets... you may lose an arm, leg, or two arms, or two arms and two legs and a torso (but you know I'd love you even if you were just a head rolling down the sidewalk...) Naked and Christmas? I would adjust your goals, Dee, or add a few alternate plans... that one is a long shot... and Vegas? I think they're all played out on naked unicyclists from Australia... now here in Bear, however... hey, coincidence, that was my one paid gig in life- a senior citizen's hall ($10 as I recall)... if I ever perform again, I'm going to work the act out in front of a downs syndrome audience- I've found that they are honest in their responses... awe, "it makes you feel pretty"... somehow your happiness translates into mine... fine letter, you will make your little sister proud... (or give her worry that this may be her when she reaches your age...)
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wbiro, not to fear. Christmas is in the summer in The land down under; If you were worrying if the shivers might affect the subtle adjustments in center of gravity...
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well, now I'm worried she'll fall up into the sky, everything being upside down there...
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at least i'll have the clouds to cushion my fall
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awe, SEE? You ARE a poet...! (or a very fine dabbler, like me...! )
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a downs syndrome audience - oh, my dearest - I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING!!! that's so non-pc.... fuck, i love you!!!!!!!!!!
you made me snort with laughter!!!!!
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and I'll take your snorts as a sign of success, thank you!
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HEY, I WAS Politically Correct- I didn't say "perform in front of a bunch of retards"...! (but then, that would have been a dubious statement... for any pop-culture audience would have fit the bill...)
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well, if you say you were pc... i'll support you!
so, you think success in my new career is just around the corner?
i'm feeling confident! the oldies at the citz hall tell me i'm the best piece of arse they've seen in some time OH YEAH!! -
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yes, things are 'looking up' hehe...
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