Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Sadness took up Mist

Under a willow, the stingers
took up sadness, mist and in
a blink the leaves linger

once more for a season
blaze; intend change to of fire, within.

 

Silky leaves drink of reason,
parched from the thirst; it took
all of summer's breeze.

Its charm of bouquet enwrapped
the leaves of brown intensity,


captured its fray.

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Humidity and Heat

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    how very lovely

    • saddie23
      August 4
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you so much for the silver trophy and liking my poem. Saddie23


  • Spirit of the Water
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    "Under a willow, the stingers
    took up sadness and mist in
    a blink the leaves linger"

    This was truly beautiful and descriptive wording. I love how you set the scene for the reader and not only bring the reader into the piece but bring it alive for them. My only suggestion would be to place some type of punctuation after "mist" and then add an "and" after that comma. It was a bit confusing to read after the willow part, because there is no punctuation to divide your words.



    "no more; for a season
    blaze intend change of fire,within."

    Again, this was a bit confusing to read, maybe change your wording here, and read it over and you will see it doesn't make the clearest read possible.



    "Silky leaves drink of reason,
    parched from the thirst;"

    My favourite lines, to think of leaves as being silky is something new to me. You have woven such creativity and nature right in front of my eyes. I love how you say that the leaves drink of reason. This was a powerful and deep part in your poem.

    "it took
    all of summer's breeze."

    Simply put yet it speaks so much, carry on.


    "Its charm of bouquet enwrapped"

    That word "enwrapped" really caught my eye, very different as I don't hear or read it much.


    "the leaves of brown intensity"

    Wow, a stunning ending. To describe it this way is truly brilliant and you will go far with your writing.

    Great job, keep it up!

    ~MaryAnne


    • saddie23
      July 22
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you so much for liking my poem and the wonderful comment given. I will take your advice and edit the parts you mentioned. Saddie23