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Existence

We live in a life that is pure
We live
Yes we live
Forever in an existence, so poor

From one distant echo to another
Yes we live
So I am sure

Yet there will come a day
It may seem far away
When we will no longer be
How this disheartens me

One day we will not have a word to say

                              For we will not be free!

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 25
    Edit | Reply

    16.84 / 25

    the idea's good here, but I think that you approached it in not the strongest way.


  • Dryad Enya
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    I must agree here with Heroesrox, it is not what I wanted for the contest however I asked for anything which enabled me to see your work and I must admit it is a very good piece if a little short.

    To ponder you own existance due to the fact of the membrain of evil that as humans we create is a topic not many poets choose to write about, perhaps because they fear it. You have dragged this up from nowhere so well done!

    Best of luck in the contests,
    Gorecki


  • Progandother
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    ...hmmm...a person debating their own existence due to the moral evils that are not impended within the world also commentating on the gradual decline of a libertarian society to the point of a police state? Awkward cross-stanza rhyming structure? Lack of punctuation to represent the steep negative correlation of life? Me using lots of big words that goes over people's heads?

    ...nice...

    ...very well done and good luck in the contest...

    Oliver


  • Heroesrox
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is a decently penned piece, but sadly, not exactly what I wanted for my contest. But, thanks so much for taking the time to enter. Best wishes and all the luck to you in other contests!


  • kerrypn
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting piece. The last line in particular is effective, and brings another dimension to the poem. There is a slight oopsie on line 8 their/there.
    Many thanks for entering, best of luck


  • Griswold silver member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Hello and thank you for entering the "Fight for the Gold" contest, it is appreciated that you took the time. Well now, do we have any say right now really? Not so you would notice. Well done, best of luck to you in the contest...
    Scott


  • poisonivystar4
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is different. I haven't come across another one like this in the contest. Still, I need you to put somewhere on this page the prompt you chose for the contest.


  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    Amen to that
    This is a cool write and thanks for letting me read it
    Best of luck in my contest and thanks for entering
    xoxo.


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    ohh this is very daunting!

    Well done on a fab write and thankyou for a wonderful read


  • Ami
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write I think this is my favorite that I've seen by you
    thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck

    -♥Amy♥

1 - 10 of 10