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Crying

Crying for I have no food
Crying- because I cannot improve
But I can sell, what the hell
For local man with needle and bag in hand
He lives in pleasant surroundings
Drives a car and spends to send his children to school
Why can't I ?  At least give it a try
Sell the evil drug to you
For you will buy
Then I won't have to sit here and cry
Build a home, mow the lawn
Be like you

Isn't it easy to see the meaning of our democracy!

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 25
    Edit | Reply

    17.64 / 25

    I think that you rushed this a bit much. Slow down and let the idea evolve a bit.


  • etoile
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    no, sorry
    I'm not a huge fan of rhyme so that kinda ruined it for me.
    otherwise this is very true. strong message.
    thanks for entering


  • dieu.
    August 11
    Edit | Reply
    nopers.


  • Thewordflow
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    Strong messaggee, But its in like every contest on here!!


  • new born
    August 9
    Edit | Reply
    poets anonymous: no, sorry.


  • Griswold gold member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Isn't this the truth, the crack or smack dealers drive their Mercedes or BMW's while their wives collect welfare for having 7 kids. While we bust our asses working and still get further into debt. What a country!!! Thank you for entering the "Fight for the Gold" contest, it is appreciated, best of luck to you... Scott


  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    This piece has a strong and powerful message which can be taken many ways.
    Great write
    Thanks for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck
    xoxo.


  • alaska.
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    strong message but, no.


  • crivanea silver member
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    "our" democracy? I think you mean? anyways..profound write..a piece that strikes at the audience (American?) and make us wonder...think...a piece that can be interpreted with irony and sarcasm ..but at the same time..almost a plea for something to be done..greatly expressed ..well written


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    ohhh

    powwerful message you have here!

    Well done on a great write.. i well and truly enjoyed reading it!


  • Ami
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful message Amazingly written That's all I've got to say
    Loved it oh and thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck

    -♥Amy♥


  • InfiniteAbsolution
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I feel the strong message you are portraying here, and youve done a good job at it. great write

1 - 12 of 12