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Lachrymal

Thunder comes in distant distractions
Swirling skies saying "Hurry along, no time"
Rumbled murmurs building to constancy, clouds conspiring
Ancient echoes pull my ears to hear
Nebulous solids spoken
Messages only my heart understands
Prophetic trembles teasing peripheries
Contrast and complement
First falling precepts aching to quench
Taming desire with need to create
Sanctuary of stolen dreams
Couched in connection
Steady rain gentle hands soften
Soreness in bones
Alone in unbelief
Unperceived
Clouded by conflagration of histories

Love given must be received
believed to be anything at all
Delight and hunger draw me dripping
I have a woman to meet...

Author notes

Must watch...
http://www.videosift.com/video/Africa-Acapella-cover


lachrymal also lacrimal adj. Of or relating to tears. Of, relating to, or constituting the glands that produce tears.

precept ( ) n. A rule or principle prescribing a particular course of action or conduct. Law. An authorized direction or order; a writ.



A contest entry

Do you know the voice?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • myrataal silver member
    August 11
    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations ...

    on this Silver ... It is a lovely poem! Thank you for asking me to enter. I enjoyed the participation.

    Love
    Myra


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I read first the longer version
    and was already enveloped in the
    swirling skies, drenched in the steady rain,
    urged onward...

    ...and then, the amazing video
    bringing the sounds, the incredible
    man/woman-made sounds to the ear,
    proving how amaziing the human creature
    can be. But as incredible, the sights and sounds
    that can wrap the reader in the experience
    as created by the writer.

    Superb!

    M-C


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    You have given a lot of thought to this piece and I have watched the video to see what your prompt was and this fits the prompt beautifully.

    All the best in the contest.

    Sue
    x

  • GordonR gold member
    August 5
    Edit | Reply
    Well, and I thought I just got wet. Missed it all as usual. Must borrow some of your tipple.
    Very good.

  • myrataal silver member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply

    There is no way ...

    I can ever do better than this. Not even with by my African bones and blood. The video is special. I love all kinds of rhythm and sound, especially when there is a zenith of soul journey, which we all strive for.


  • marlene47 silver member
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    I like all the weather influence => distractions of thunder, the swirling, the hurrying, rumbles rising to constancy, the cloud conspiracy

    The next section, the effect of it all has on you =>
    the ancient echoes of “spoken nebulous solids,” interesting, like certain yet vague knowing

    predications tremble and tease from nearby, the yes and no

    moral rules ache and fall into desire
    wanting to make connection a sanctuary

    Later alone in the rain, there is uncertainty, disbelief and a fiery history to reconcile

    The ending =>
    the giving and receiving of love is to believe in it

    Finally, the draw of desire and need

    Sorry for my retelling; it’s how I follow along.
    I like the movement from sound to inner considerations - the heart, the wondering.
    For the me, the portion from “Steady rains...” to the end is your strongest, with the most flow. Some of the words, e.g. “assuaging” were a little heavy or distracting for me.
    Maybe something like -
    “Steady rain gentle hands sweeten
    Soreness in bones”

    This is a good telling of an anxious moment, one of expectation as well as the rain in Africa

    Thanks so much for your entry.


  • parenchma
    August 2
    Edit | Reply
    This is the long version of poem
    http://allpoetry.com/poem/5590447

  • Seasinger gold member
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    The title suggests sadness but I don't feel this poem is sad, except perhaps about some history before the storm.  Like the opening of the video prompt, the first three lines evoke the thunderstorm, with its hurrying clouds, its physicality, rebuking inertia.  The storm morphs into steady rain; and the poem morphs into abstractions evoking emotions personal to the author rather than physical images.  The rainstorm becomes a catalyst for a resolution in which the persona's solitary unbelief (perhaps lack of faith) caused by past events converts to delighted belief and an urgent wish to share love with a companion.  A lot of progress in 100 words!  And a great closing line!


    • deercatcher
      July 27
      Edit | Reply
      Ohh... Now i see what i was talking about! I understand now. Thank you very much. You are altogether totally correct... how odd. I wrote this watching a thunderstorm in a time of deep reflection. I was sheltered; but I wasn't home...

      My original was much longer and I had to chop up to achieve contest criteria.


  • Mariana gold member
    July 24

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery here is wonderful. I have heard the video before. I found it so calming and beautiful. I felt like I was there. Well done

    Mariana  

1 - 13 of 13