Catching up with Myself

Life spins out of control around me
I forget why I am here.
I step outside and suddenly remember
at the end of the day there is nothing to fear.

I hold my heart close to my mind
I never let it get out of hand
but I let my emotions take over
and find myself crying again.

I don't want to be weak like any other woman
who gets thrown a hardball and gives up
If I could be born another woman
I would never let the world show me up.

Love gets blown out of proportion
I feel myself losing my grip
as reality runs away from me
making way for confusion and insanity.

I run so fast I can't feel the wind
I jump so far I can't see my shadow
I feel so much I can't distinguish
anything except who You are.

I refuse to be weak like that woman
who raised me up with a will to fight
but never taught me that a real woman
knows when she isn't right.

We climb up just to slide back down
eternal purgatorious pain we allow
to break us up until we fall back to the ground
to break into pieces that shatter like frozen water.

I watch the moon rise without me
I've been away for way to long
I just hope they can forgive me
when I admit I was wrong.

I'm slowly learning how to be a woman
who lives by her heart and her own hands
I refuse to go back to being that woman
who never learned to understand.