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grease monkeys and dipsticks

with meticulous care she extricates contents of a box
that contain a conundrum

images overflow -
  she lets go the stream


time suspends




























A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • PerVirtuous
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    A new filter for an old story. May your parts stay lubricated and your motor run smooth.

  • Rowan gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    great title!
    I wonder if this line flows better like; she lets the stream go? hmm.
    I'm not sure, but I definitely get the picture.


    • Luna Tique Fringe
      July 27
      Edit | Reply
      thanks , hon

      yes, it does flow (hehe) better..but i kinda like the little pause it creates between 'go and stream' especially when i read it aloud

  • Nicole Hanna
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    I LOVED the title. I'm going to "borrow" your titles one day... which means I'll steal them and run like the dickens


  • Pure Thought silver member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    ... dog-gone greasemonkeys and their dipsticks,
    succinctly appropriate... poem, not greasemonkeys


  • Cat gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    oh.. and love the condundrum..

    grease monkeys.. yeah. i know.. they can be sexy. a little.

  • Cat gold member
    July 21
    Edit | Reply
    love it.

    have you thought to try it in present tense? it would be haunting.
    she lets go the stream
    time suspends

    etc.

    great images.. really nice piece


  • Cup-a-Joe
    July 21
    Edit | Reply
    Grease monkeys suck!

    Joe


  • just mercedes gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, but what I'm seeing here may not be intended - was it a pregnancy test?

    best of luck in the contest


  • Night Hope gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply

    Since I just moved (again) in March, I'm still unveiling a few conundrums myself. This is a great response to the prompt, Sweetie. Good luck in Mary's contest.


1 - 14 of 14