And the old man upholds the truth
backdropped by fears of shadowy lies
there, and right there
within tightening scapulas
pressed down by societial discriminations
amid hard-edged trumpeting arteries
counting past years of glory
in three quartered time
his, twisted branches rooted in sand
oh!...and those jaundiced eyes
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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the last stanza nailed it. Love that entire stanza-- and the title is excellent
really good to find you here.. thanks so much!
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I'm a big fan of the whole "...oh!...." in poetry. I think it's underused and underdeveloped and when used most of the time it's used incorrectly. You've shown how to make it work and really accent the most important line in the piece, which is also my favorite. Some great story-telling here.
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I like this a bunch. It made me look in a mirror...
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i'm glad i read this before posting mine..we were on the same wave length..i had even used jaundiced eyes, lol. you have done much, much better than i
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This is a very visual piece, Dan. I've encountered a few jaundiced eyes in my years, too; I always think "what stories they must have to tell." Good luck in Mary's contest, Scribe. 
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