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Immortal

Haunted
your image there
beyond the grave darkness
reminding me of how we were.
Years of comforting gone
taken from me
Cruelly
screaming my name
to soothe your embittered
wounds, however hollow they be.
For life had place and time
to hold you close.
Enslaved
by open wounds
healed not by God’s time.
Priceless is the pain of his loss
weeping not for the dead
still I am here.
Wounded
soul still living
denial shrouds this mind
your supple hand resting in mine
still warm with amber life
against my heart
beating.

Author notes

Give me anything inspired by the following bands or artists
a)Evanescence

and

3) Form Poetry
Any form of poetry other than free verse and traditional form of rhyming.Forms invented by you are also welcome.
For this option kindly write a few lines about the form you used in your author notes.





This poem is based on the song My Immortal by Evanescence. Every single word represents how I feel today since my soul mate Mike committed suicide a few years ago. It’s like this song was written just for me. I cry every time I hear it. This poem is written from the heart and soul. Enjoy the form

Behrquain Swirl - Created by Arkbear
Syll count: 2 4 6 8 6 4 2 4 6 8 6 4 2 4 6 8 6 4 2 4 6 8 6 4 2


In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • bunnyslasher157
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    I love this. I'm sorry, but this unique. good luck and keep writing!!


  • lesbian-in-love
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    This was full of emotions. It was well written and enjoyable to read I like it. This was interesting too. I wasn't for sure what this was going to have in store but wow it blew me away. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest


  • Nienna Calmcacil
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Ah! Arkbear's forms! I'm personally a fan of his =]

    I absolutely love My Immortal as well. I can relate-- my soul mate was taken by both lung and bone cancer last year. I can definitely relate to the loss...

    Of course I loved the emotion here. Thank you so much for entering.


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome form!!!
    I'm terribly sorry for your loss
    I couldn't imagine losing my soulmate...
    Wishing you light and love,
    ~Heavenly~


  • trekkergirl
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    This has some really nice imagery in it. And I liked the way your words alignment reminds me of a wind chime. Though I don't know if you did that on purpose but it does.

    You did this well with great imagery. Flows well. And has a good solid theme to it. Great job.

    Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.


  • Not-The-Sun
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very sad, emotional poem. I liked the syllable count, the two syllable lines really stood out


  • crivanea silver member
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful form and i loved that song...a wonder entry I think with lines that just captivates the readers


  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply

    This is Great

    A great poem showing your grief and loss from your friend's death. You make the pain tangible, shivers cross my back when I read it. I have handled the body's of suicide victims in the ER, it is so hard to try and console a family. I could fill a note book with the experiences, I did fine during the event but after I wanted to fall apart


  • JustSimplyLissa gold member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write, and I'm so glad to see the Form Arkbear created used. I don't see often enough. Lovely write, and a wonderfully haunting song to be inspired by. I am sorry for your loss. A heart breaking entry. Lovely write..


  • Blue-Rose Beauty
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    I love the form. Try again please.


  • jcat gold member
    July 27
    Edit | Reply
    There are no words......and I am sorry seems so inadequate. Thank you for sharing with us....Your entry was heart wrenching!


  • Poetrist
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was better than the song. I love this writing form. Such an emotion & powerful write as well. Good luck


  • Amera gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful! You have composed wonderful emotion in a perfectly penned Diamante. I think you have taken the song and added a deeper dimension. Bravo!

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my what a beautiful, heartfelt poem. I am so sorry for your loss and I thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts here. A lovely form I have seen but never tried.
    Thank you for your entry
    Gaylene

  • Frodofan
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    That is one of my all time favorite songs...

    I liked the way this was written, each section starting with such a harsh and emotion filled word. Good luck in the contest.


  • daviscth silver member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Anyone can tell that you've poured out your heart and soul into creating this piece of work sis. I'm so sorry you're hurting.....

1 - 16 of 16