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September

It is late July now,
July will soon become August,
August will then become September,
September is when I lose him forever....

(C) Lynda Cosgrove, 21st July 2009.

Author notes

Spur-of-the-moment "blah". Or should I say "bleurgh" ??...

The truth is my ex-boyfriend is getting married to his blind-date fiance in Italy in September. I've never stopped caring about, or loving, him. We were only together for about 7 or 8 months about 6 years ago but he made a huge impact on my life. He was my first, real true love.

I found his (private) profile on Facebook on Monday (20th July 2009) and couldn't believe how happy he looked in his profile picture. I was so shocked and surprised because he's such a private person, he'd never create anything like a Bebo account. It nearly broke my heart. I want him back, I've always wanted him back. Now, there's no way back. Once he gets married in September, I can't be a part of his life anymore. We came back into contact about 4 years ago, by which time he was already with his girlfriend, now his fiance. They met on a blind date. She has a teenage son from a previous relationship. Her ex-boyfriend/fiance (the child's father) cheated on her repeatedly, so she found it hard to trust men again (he told me all this himself when we met up a few times for a coffee and a chat). I think he thinks he should settle down and get married now because of his age (he'll be 37 in August). I don't want him to get married, I want him back. I wrote to him in April saying we couldn't be friends again because he was getting married and because I still have feelings for him. I was hoping that would provoke a reaction, that he would turn up at my house, saying he didn't love her, that he wanted me back. But it didn't happen and it's not going to happen. I've lost him forever.... :'(

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Comments


  • She burns
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    Very painful and touching here, I hope you don't hurt much more anymore and I wish you the best...


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    July 25
    Edit | Reply

    This is a very sad piece of writing here. Your emotion is strong and stark. Sometimes in life things are just not meant to be. I am a very strong believer in Fate, what Fate has in store for each and every one of us we do not know.

     

    Some people we are Fated to be with, and others...It is very hard when that person we love marries another. And life seems impossible to get on with. But you will get over it, in time. Time is a great healer.

    Yours in Darkness
    Wayne Leon