Soft silent echoes render forth a colored canvas’ warning.
Upon my soul, I’d like to know what new day will be dawning?
Fine sable strands, drawn through all pigments, gather up their guest;
spread then across primed cotton threads, what figures are there forming?
The strokes of my todays are traced in curves and lines and splotches—
bright and subdued in variations, forming as time watches.
My sight’s obtained as brushes sweep in chroma that attest
the footfalls of my wanderlust, of goals achieved and botches.
When next crows call to part my lids and slumber yields to care,
will paint have dried unmodified so that I’m left no prayer
of changing what my deeds laid down? May I then not protest
reverberations of my past that lie depicted there?
Will I reject the scene portrayed, object that it’s not fair?
Or will acceptance stir the breast in me, tomorrow’s heir.
Author notes
A sonnet in Iambic heptameter with rhyme scheme aaba ccbc ddbd dd.
Contest prompt: "To-morrow, when I wake, or think I do, what shall I say of to-day?" ~Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot.
2009 July 21
In a list
- Graduate Seminar on the Sonnet group list • next in list
A contest entry
- What of Today? by The Blue Lamp Post.
1750 points, ended August 25, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thank you for reading. Critical commentary appreciated.
Comments
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Very nice ...
and congratulations on the shiny trophy. I see you have garnered a large cheering section already, and they've said everything I could find to say, so we'll just go with well done and superbly executed.
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Thank you very kindly. I accept your honest praise with gratitude.
M. Bear
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I am still learning how to write sonnets so it is always helpful when you post the type of sonnet and the rhyme scheme.
I have re read this a few times and so far have not been able to figure out what lines I like the best...maybe because each one conjurs up thoughts or memories or ideas...
I love this line " The strokes of my todays are traced in curves and lines and splotches—"
Isn't it wonderful to have a life that is a series of curves and sploches and not just straight and narrow. How boring that would be.
Thank you again for the sonnet lesson ...Darlene
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Thank you very much for your comments.
I am glad you found my notes useful as well. Best of luck in your sonnet writing.
M. Bear
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I came back to congratulate you on your win, with my mouth agape at my placement. I want to repeat how much I love this poem, it has a special place in my heart, I may feature it on my page, when I find a suitable image to present it with. It is such a worthy creation!
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High praise indeed! :] Thank you so much for coming back to share those feelings/sentiments with me. Feel free to feature it on your page if you wish. That would be a great honor.
~M. Bear
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Oh this sonnet is rich and mature with wonderful long and lovely lines to compliment your meter with complex rhyme and wonderful thought.
Can you tell I loved this? The direction with your contest prompt is quite wonderful and your ending couplet in question leads one to explore your poem with more introspective thoughts.
Wonderful for this contest. I thank you for a delightful entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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So pleased that you are pleased. Thanks for the comments, appreciation, and well wishes.
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Great
We should wonder what mark we leave on the world we live in.Although we can not control yesterday we can planfor tomorrow. I really like this poem t maks me not regrt the things I have not done.
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Thank you. Your words, 'it makes me not regret the things I have not done." interest me, in sharing the direction your reflection took you. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and the applause.
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Love it!
First of all I love the rhyming scheme you have choosen for this piece, really created an intresting effect when I read it out, and considering most sonnets are usually in the English rhyming scheme, it really catches the attention.
If anything I would say at first this was hard to read, but this is meant in a good way: I commented on another piece of yours - When Final Die Are Cast - where I said there was so much more than 14 lines worth of ideas expressed; well this even more so.
I think the final couplet is great: really captures the meaning, packs a punch and resolves the ideas expressed in the earlier lines.
I love the imagery throughout; I would be typing all day if I were to pick out individual parts because they are all so great so I shall leave it at that.
Most of all, though, I like what you say during lines 10-13; I know the feeling, when one doesn't seem to have control over ones own destiny/life and which is the best option under those circumstances; is it brave to argue against it or, mature to just get on with it?
Great write!
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Thank you for the detailed commentary as well as your appreciation.
I thrive on receiving such words from time to time. I certainly wouldn't mind if you typed all day to detail all of your appreciation! 
I love playing around with things, and my new love of forms (and sonnets in particular) is no exception.
Thanks again for your feedback.
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I love the theme/metaphor of painting experience on canvas I love the imagery you have woven and developed here. These two lines are just lovely, I've read them out loud a number of times:
"When next crows call to part my lids and slumber yields to care,
will paint have dried unmodified so that I’m left no prayer"
Your ending couplet is such a nice ending to this. We are always left with questions when it comes to tomorrow.
No real suggestions for the second line...
Lovely sonnet, deep and colorful, well woven and enjoyable to read.
Kris
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Thank you very much, Kris.
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This is an amazing piece! so appealing to me with my artist heart just beating in time with it's flow. It is timeless with a quality that I just don't get to experience on any given day. This is a keeper! I want to snag it for future inspiration, "tomorrow's canvas" If only my canvases and my poetry could reflect such artistry.
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Oh, my, such strong praise! Thank you very much. I am very pleased. Feel free to print off a copy, if you wish.
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I loved the poem and the feelings it has expressed are wonderful and paramont to the piece, for me at least. I like the form you chose, the way the rhyme flows so effortlessly, the imagery evoked. I only hope I can do as well when I write one (as I hope to do). All this talk of meters, syllable count, and feminine rhyme has me drifting, of course, I am one of the undisciplined and unenlightened masses, those who say. "I don't know what art is, but I know what I like." I like this very much. High praise from low places.
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Thank you very much for your kind words.
I do beg to differ with your praise being from "low places," however. Just because people have different sets of skills, IMO that does not negate the value of their feedback. I personally appreciate feedback from a variety of perspectives, including yours.
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Lovely images you paint here, Misha, a brush-stroke at a time.
suggestion to play with for line 2
an avid child, my soul beguiled; what new day etc....
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Ah, thank you very much for the suggestion. I shall ponder and digest...
Thanks also for the applause.
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In fact, now I have a bit more time, I've read it again. And taken more notice of things. Yes, I like the format very much. I like that the syllable business changes with the volta. I still haven't paid enough attention to understand it, but I am busy dealing with customers, so that's my reason. Yes, I like the syllable count here very much!
Though still wonder whether it is hepta Tell me it is, and I will believe you =]
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I checked my Meter class notes on iambs,
and it says it's fine to add an extra unstressed syllable at the end of a line (as we agreed, all rhyming lines must be treated the same way). So, I think that means it's hepta!
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Excellent. And now we've both become more confident on the subject (I do some sort of celebrating smiley thing if I knew of one)
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I don't really know of any but the ones that are typed with colons and brackets and this one
. Oh, and the 
I discovered earlier trying to copy your dog.
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My dog! That was a * puppy *!
(Go check that link I provided just above your last comment, silly.)
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Ha, no way. Without my ignorance, I would never have accidentally found my!
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Very nice.
As I read it, I noticed, but it did't stand out in a bad way, that some lines are fifteen and some are fourteen. I suppose those that are fifteen aren't technically heptameter, but no one cares.
Very nice, though I do not have time to comment very well.
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Thanks! Actually, those are feminine rhymed lines, so (according to my understanding of how to do that in iambic) they are done correctly (by adding an extra unstressed syllable to the end of the line, and have all rhyming lines do the same).
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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Definitely done correctly, yes. Done very nicely. I just wonder whether it's still technically 'heptameter' even though it has an extra syllable. Heptameter means 7, and 7 iambs makes 14. But, yes, there's no question as to whether it's well written or not
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Well, in the Gentle Introduction to the Sonnet class, I was taught that use of feminine rhyme is an acceptable variation (I assumed to meter--I guess I'll have to check now to be sure). I took the Gentle Intro to Meter as well. Now I'll have to go back and look at my notes!
What the fem endings definitely do is make this piece not isosyllabic. -
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I've thought about it and decided that a feminine line with fifteen is still heptameter because there's one fewer unstressed syllables, and the hepta business is on about the stressed ones, as far as I know. I'm glad I seem to have learnt something. I always like to learn. Thanks
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