It's been a hell-of-a ride
That's all I can say. It started out with a very fast ride in the old black car
the sleet and ice all over the road
swerving
and mother-to -be screaming at the
Drunken 'father
(so I'm told)
Pushin' blood and pulse
so I had no choice but to come
too early and not ready
Fast and furious
Not ready, don't make me come now
too early
No choice:
it's dark
It hurts
so much pain
Don't make me come out
I'm not ready
Rushed into cold and white
those blue-white lights
so cold it hurts my body
my eyes, it hurts everything.
It hurts to just open my eyes.
Not that light
Anything but that light
Now I'm warm but alone
Cut off in a box I can see through
So alone
Hands coming in to feed me
Bleak
Is this what is supposed to be?
I hurt
I cry
I see someone out of my box
She is sad
Something is coming out of her eyes
She puts her hands in
I suck
I sleep
Is this all there is?
Please
someone
turn out the lights
like before
when I was safe inside
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I just read this again and I'm still stunned with its power and feeling.
You have become a true poet and I'm proud. -
Wonderful job. A poem that certainly leaves one wondering the basis for all the pain and sorrow, but a poem to set the mind wandering into things that, sometimes, are best left known to the writer alone.
It is 'staccatto', as HP said, and it helps make the piece as powerful as it is.
Sag
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grand writing, dear poet! a poem distinguished by its clever thoughts and fine imagery. radiant and true, this poem is an inspiration!
do you know me? have you ever spoke to me?
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There is a stabbing intensity about this I'm not sure what happened here...an auto accident? the short sharp pieces of jagged trauma suggest a mixture of emotional and physical pain almost to the point of incoherency...I feel there's a lot between the lines that has been omitted due to an acute sense of pain...I may be wrong for there are other aspects that only an inner intuition may reveal...however, I like the staccato effect... it's like a stab to the heart...'anything but that light'...I like that, something to think about!
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Thank you
I took in your comments and understand that I did not help the reader understand enough what was happening. Please re-read and let me know if this improves the piece, OK? I love that you really gave your detailed response. Thanks! -
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Ah yes...well
Born too early...yes of course it's perfect one word made all the difference, everything else falls nicely into place and I can appreciate the trauma and pain of this experience, you know I have always wondered about the effects that the circumstances during a child's birth have on the child in later years and indeed throughout its' life; if the mothers' emotional trauma is transferred to the child while still in the womb, it would certainly explain much of my own personal make up...!
A very thought provoking and emotional write, thanks for sharing!
J
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