Self Destruction

Sitting in an abyss all my own,
On the outskirts of my mind,
I construct an evasive escape-
I must relapse from my mishaps.
First I unsheath my wicked tongue,
Prepared to sever my stuborn seclusive shell.
As I shed into a ignorant demeanor,
I discover a deranged disaster I distaste.
Tightly woven in the fabric of my life,
A persuavive element of my will relaxes.
My soul says I slumber in my efforts,
As my desicions interrogate my desires-
I watch my internal fight slipping through my skin,
As a trusted few are tormented by my attitude.
Some may hear my screaming,
Bleeding from my being through vocal chords...
Some shall hear silent sobbing,
Flooding my eyes in hopes to be blind.
As miscontrued the world I veiw is,
I am equally lost and forgot like an illusion.
No one can help a mute man-
But I speak in ink bleeding from my hand.
My doctor lives in my pocket,
Visiting on routine check-ups,
Accompanied by white sheets of trees.
My medicine is a passionate anger,
It is a subtle understanding,
And a clueless vigilante.
I become a laconic preacher glued to a podium,
As I preach of what perfection should be.
I am wise and all-knowing,
A god amongst men,
But no matter my preaching-
I must practice again.
Awareness is no new savior,
For it never changes my behavior.
Frustration leads my thoughts along by a noose,
Searching for a place to hang out for a while...
I dare not defend my sanity delightfully dieing before me.
The bathroom mirror shows my disgraced fear,
Antagonizing the wish to re-employ my struggles.
The overpowering magic of love looks at me,
Questioning my motives as this being corrodes.
Only words not understood collapse my canvas.
My artwork of unstable images shatter
Like the american economy.
A four month baby girl trains me...
I must have courage for her.