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it might be dawn, it might be dusk


his  eyes have gone dim -
trapped in the mire of death

she sits in his shadow
waiting for the rain
































A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • tomisb
    July 22

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    Rain is so many things. Tears, the water of life, rebirth -- May the shadows be brief.
    Love,
    Tom B.


  • transcendental baby gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Such a simple eloquence ... exactly what that moment feels like


  • Cat gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    you have stepped up your title making
    i am jealous

    i would lose "the" in the last line.. --

    waiting for rain..
    wonderful image of anticipating great sadness


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    Hi NC, been a long time and even though this is such a sad and eloquent piece, I am glad to read your words again.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    July 21

    Edit | Reply
    You see with beautiful eyes. Sad, yet beautiful words.

    Joe


  • Night Hope gold member
    July 20

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    I love your title & your poem, too, Sweetie. Such immeasurable sadness resonates in this remarkably brief piece. Good luck in Mary's contest, my ever-so-talented Friend.



  • just mercedes gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my. That's three in a row I've read this morning that brought tears to my eyes. So very well done.

  • Rowan gold member
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    says so much, in so few lines. You're really great at these short writes.
    Poignantly sad.

  • Nicole Hanna
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Here you go again. I'd be mad at how good you are if I didn't enjoy it so much.

    And this i so sad. But, that's the way I can envision things when my husband and I are old and one of us moves on past the other.

1 - 14 of 14