Fifteen years of wondering
If you even care about me
Fifteen years you've lost
Cause you didn't wanna be
A dad to my brother and me
How come we don't know you?
You've never tried to call
There's a missing piece of my person
Cause I don't know the man
Who I should call daddy
Why don't you love me?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Different
Very interesting poem. The concept/message is not one that i can relate to personally, though many of my friends can, and so through them i can sympathize. Poetically speaking, it lacks certain qualities that i tend to look for, but to each his or her own. (warning: the following is a poetic critique. I have a tendency to be blunt and occasionally harsh. It is what i believe would be best for the poem.)
I see little if any metaphoric usage. Minimal use of figurative language. Lack in rhyme contributes to choppy flow. No detectable imagery. Overall, should be revised to include some if not all of previously stated notes.
Concept/Message: 3/5
Style: 3/5
Flow: 1/5
Figurative Language/Imagery: 1/5
Overall: 2/5
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this is a very nice poem. full of emotion and sadness. well done and keep up the good work.
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i liek it i had to deal with something simialry once nice work i like it very much
good job high five lol
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wow. that is very touching. it gave me chills. great work. love it
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Aww. This is really
touching. =]
Very nice.
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