High above the fields that grow,
hovering as Angels must,
Impervious to Winter's snow,
I linger here on Death's sweet cusp.
--
'Twas many a day
I could roam a-free
In childhood's lay
By the shifting sea
And later then
When Suns go down
Back home again
To Mother's frown
--
Two-and-twenty years
Have drifted by so fast
And though my mother's death brought tears
I'm a man at last.
I wake up in the morning
And am excited by my life
I'm no longer mourning
The infidelity of my wife.
--
And thirty more years go by -
Remarried twice and widowed as well
I've borne the weight of Fate's black eye
And now I bid my last farewell:
No more! the trees that grace my path
or blossoms grown soft in Summer's hearth.
Farewell! the musky scent of days
spent baking in fair Autumn's haze.
So long! to salt and sugar's sweet
and exotic spices from o'er seas.
Adieu! the morning, evening, afternoon
and to the waxing milky moon.
Curtain drawn and lights all down,
fare thee well! to country and crown.
--
There is no 'Light' and no dark tunnel,
no Chorus or Pearly Gates for me.
But there! Strings strung from each small being.
my eye sees what was, what is and will be.
I feel the twang, hear the whooshing sigh
of some poor souls last rattling cry,
and duck to the side as his spectre flows free
on the way to Styx and Eternity.
Orion yawns and the Pleiades sigh -
their chase is done for another night.
The scorpion stops and Sirius lies -
they ponder me with their ageless eyes.
And there goes Zeus on his marvellous cloud
and the other Gods and Demi-crowd.
All welcome me to see Sol's rise.
--
I'm looking through Apollo's eye
at the distance to Earth from our brilliant sky.
We're hung above as Twinklers a-twinkling
and fade to black with Hades a-winking.
Author notes
This was a poem I wrote for a Literature assignment. When I finished it, I realised that I'd completely deviated from the criteria and so wrote another one to make up. I really liked what I'd done with this one though so I didn't just erase and restart.
There are some romantic influences - ie: nature, the stars, the seasons, a life well lived - and I took advantage of Keats liking of mythology and incorporated some Greek references as well: the God's, Orion and the constellations around him, the Fates (although they aren't named as such, the notion of people being attached to strings was derived from the Fate's cutting a person's life-chord thus sending them to the afterlife).
I tried to mature the formatting as the poem moves on - from simplistic rhyme and flow, with little punctuation or complexity and through towards the end to more dramatic, involved concepts of the afterlife and consciousness after death.
I hope you like it 
What feelings did this give you, and what lines evoked those feelings?
Comments
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wow!! this is stunning in scope and detail!! I am absolutely amazed at this beautiful gift of words!!! By far the best piece I have read in days, weeks, months!!
Peace and light, Kendal
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Yeah first i read the poem, then my eyes got stuck on the author's note. I read the author's note and read the poem again. It is a very nice poem. The use of imagination could not be this great if it was someone else than you. You have made the poem very good. The every single part of the poem contains own expression and keep the reader to read the next. a very good write.
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You are a talent with "imagery". You are exceptionally good in description and all you need is major direction. I say major because nothing in poetry is easily accomplished. Punctuation is an authors best friend. You must use periods and commas and do so wisely. Drop the rhyme. You have description under control and thus, losing the rhyme allows you to get out of the box and come up with some real moving lines. Also, make it shorter. This poem, how it is written, is just too long. You have a lot of talent. I only spend this amount of time on people who I think could really be something. Try my suggestions out and see what it brings. However, like I said these are only suggestions and you do not have take any of my advice. I think you have an excellent start here. Rewrite and Rewrite. That is well known in the literature world.
Good luck no harm meant
-AtiVAn
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very very nice
great imagery especially here....There is no 'Light' and no dark tunnel,
no Chorus or Pearly Gates for me.
But there! Strings strung from each small being.
my eye sees what was, what is and will be.
I feel the twang, hear the whooshing sigh
of some poor souls last rattling cry,
and duck to the side as his spectre flows free
on the way to Styx and Eternity.
The scorpion stops and Sirius lies -
they ponder me with their ageless eyes.
And there goes Zeus on his marvellous cloud
and the other Gods and Demi-crowd.
All welcome me to see Sol's rise.
--
I'm looking through Apollo's eye
at the distance to Earth from our brilliant sky.
We're hung above as Twinklers a-twinkling
and fade to black with Hades a-winking.
i really enjoyed this poem....
Patrick
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