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mary jane

you open up the doors in my mind
create lands I wander and I find


oceans in oceans and worlds in worlds
all jumbled up together in tye dyed swirls

everything is suddenly so clear
the moon could come and kiss your cheek
fly you away from here

the smell of rain washes away
each heartache and each pain

and that's why I'm friends

with mary jane 

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • kay772
    September 27

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    wow, this is good. i like it alot. Im guessing mary jane isnt a person though haha. this makes me sad to see but makes it clear that people do these things to cover pain, hate, stuff like that. They think it is going to do so much great stuff for them, but it is going to screw them over in the long run.


  • KaylaSHIKARI
    September 1
    Edit | Reply
    Niice write..
    My favorite part:
    "oceans in oceans and worlds in worlds
    all jumbled up together in tye dyed swirls"
    <3

  • FallingRainDrop
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    i absolutly love this! can defintaly relate. "oceans in oceans and worlds in worlds
    all jumbled up together in tye dyed swirls" amazing lines :]


  • NeptunesMight
    July 18

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    plain Jane

    she'll always be the same
    when all your thoughts
    seem to have been restrained
    she'll keep you far from pain
    thou you might take a look at your life
    and realize it was rather lame

    figured I'd comment with a short poem inspired from your poem.. ultimate poem appreciation? I'd like to think so

    GREAT WRITE


  • babyseal
    July 18

    Edit | Reply

    great

    i love your writing. some of my very favorites.
    you want constructive criticism?...
    All I can think is maybee change the 2nd line of the 3rd stanza to match the rest of the rhythm. and the second to last line of the last stanza, maybe...
    "and that's my friend, mary jane"
    or "Ya, my luck-bringing friend,
    Mary Jane"

    I dunno. very good.

  • The Rainbows Mind
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is friggin brilliant. I've been trying to think of writing several poems attempting to capture the metaphers in metaphors. It's definitely a journey and it does something that all of my favorite poems to read do. It's very clever in its assembly. It not only speaks of the mind, but it connects the mind and body to natural forces like ocean and moon which by the way, are 2 of my favorite natural wonders for their symbolism.
    The ultimate bliss, a vacation to a place of peace and spiritual connection, and you don't even need to pack. Upon one's return, all that is crucial becomes evident and one can live their life to the fullest.
    Great poem.
    BC, (The Rainbows Mind)

1 - 6 of 6