Ghost of myself

With no place left to hide, I hide within myself for no one to find.

Safe, I know, no one can hurt me. No one can kill me.

Fighting with pain for dominance over my mind, I lose slowly

And as it creeps up, so does the horrid sense of hollowness.

My body, numb, shuts me out for protection against the worst

Memories it can conjure. Glimpses of abuse, arguments, accidents

Play on a reel behind my shut eyes. While my senses relive the moments

Spent in pain, I am trapped outside, to watch myself as if a ghost.

Memories of lusty nights pass next, the betrayal in their wake agonizing

As doubts file in alongside them, questioning his sincerity

In words of love spoken, he sings them to another and offers her

forever within his arms, if only she’ll have him.

Stabbed , the burning blade of despair sinks farther in, piercing my soul

And shattering its fragile form to jagged shards of nothingness

Thin as air, and I watch as they dissipate, not caring if they ever return

For  I can’t be whole again.