Heartbroken Dust

Looking into your eyes makes me quiver
makes me sick to my stomach
your eyes look so depressed,
I want to take you in my arms
try to fix everything that makes you that way.
I feel this utter weakness towards you
a type of vulnerability,
I let my emotions take me over
and that can’t happen anymore because you see
I am with him and I do love him,
I’ve never loved anyone so much.

He hurts me so deeply it’s like I have nothing left inside,
even if he dumped me and we dated
I’d have nothing left to give
I’d be like an empty shell with no emotion.
I keep fighting for him day and day again
I won’t give up thinking he can change
yet he leaves behind this emptiness that you fill so easily,
he doesn’t even know of its existence.
How can you understand me and act like you know me
a month is only 31 days not that long at all.

You said those dreadful words
the words that frighten me
it makes me sick to my stomach to be that afraid.
I have to shove you away now I have to get you away,
I can’t let myself be put through that pain again.
Time after time they break my heart, my trust
they tore me down, shredded me up.
I never want to hear that word again,
not from you or anybody.

I will not put him on the line for you
because after him I will be nothing.
I cannot trust another person with my heart,
I fear you will have many chances to hurt me
and he’s already hurt me as much as he can.
You are a whole new field of broken glass
I fear I will only get shards of you painfully stuck in me
and when I try to break free,
ahen I pull the shards out,
I will bleed and leave pieces of me behind.
He loved me and after seven months he cheated
I loved him and he used me for sex.

I trust nobody anymore
if someone who could love me so much could do that,
what will happen next?
What did I do so horrible in my past life,
what is worse than that, which you can do to me?
You give me this feeling
this horrible feeling,
warm, happy, safe, and comforted.
I want to say its love,
I want to say I love you
but I can’t love you
I’m not capable of it anymore
I feel so numb,
after this last heartbreak there will be no more of me.