When will be the time to end it all
When will be the time to give up and fall
When will you let go of your past
When will your feelings come out at last
When will the truth set you free
When will your life stop being imaginary
When will all your dreams come true
When will you say I'm through
When will you let a good moment last
When will you stop hanging on the past
When will enough be enough
When will you give up you know your not tough
When will you give life it's chance
When will you say no and let your beginning be your end
Now is the time to let it all go
Now is the time to say you're really through with it all
Now is the time to say goodbye
Now is the time to give up and cry
Comments
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okay...Im going to give you one little critique that might help a lot...you used the same line twice just worded differently. "when will you let go of your past" and "when will you stop hanging on the past" --we gotta get rid of one. It only sends the reader backwards... since you do such a great job with rhyme and flow, we have to keep it going so, maybe replacing one of the lines (perferably the second one, which is in stanza 3) using the word "mask" to keep the flow. so, something like "when will you put down the mask" or "when will you stop wearing a mask" ...especially since the last line of the 3rd stanza is "when will you give up?, you know your not tough" it will fit well with that stanza.
other than that...I have to say, you do a great job with flow and this is very deep. I hope you don't take offense to critiques and welcome them as a way to better yourself in writing. you have so much potential and talent...as shown in this piece...I really like it
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