Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

just breathe already

ashes and wine
the illusion of time
as i shovel my dirt
into your mind

all of you savages
disquised as men
do you not know
you make the light bend?

some cinder and smoke
it's a jest or a joke
with all of this air
how could you choke?



    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Nyafushia gold member
    November 24
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is unique and clever... the masks worn in life, the smoke and mirrors put up by man, shovelling dirt into the minds of others, empty pretense for what?... the matrix has obvious ramifications.

    Thank you for this, i enjoyed reading its truths.


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    November 12

    Edit | Reply
    mmm here i am..re reading...in desperation...dammmmm i miss your poetry so bad its painful.....this is so awesom...kinda gritty and evvoccative in you much missed straight talking way.....hurry...yes you...poetry land needs you...come back quick...and paint us all some rainbows
    T


  • Lislaine
    August 12
    Edit | Reply
    Waw! I like this so much! I love the rhyming too!
    Keep the ink of your pen flowing!


  • Sugar-Side-Down
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful and true, i like this a lot. =)

  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    soo, Im back....(just delete the other if you want)
    hey it has a name, nice one too, you always pick the best titles.

    see I like the first line, as I said, ashes n wine, lol no idea why, i think maybe the wine appeals to the ...lapsed catholic in me...you probably never meant that, but right now my faith is burned out so it just hits me somehow, specially combined with the dirt shoveling, cos it puts me in mind of my childhood being spoonfed, so i couldnt really think,,,scarily it makes me ponder my own parenting too,,,mmmm lets move on....

    second verse,,wow its just perfect says it all, simply but skillfully.do you not know you make the light bend, wow, im loving it, cos it just smacks reality.

    last verse once more,its awesome,some cinder or smoke, its a jest or a joke, and your in there depicting smoke screens, the smoke screen we live behind,till we choke on our own flippin morale polution.
    God I so love this,,you did real good here, I mean that, not just cos your my favourite poet
    this is really really profound,, Im seriously blown away
    Nice write,,this is excellent
    Thankyou
    T


  • John BoSox
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is so clever of you.I loved it.With so few words, you have written a novel.The wit you possess is marvelous.I am jealous..good for you.God luck

    John

1 - 7 of 7