Impish Behaviour

There is this little blighter who no one can really see
He’s the source of all our problems from way back in history
For every time that you feel things are going really great
Well up he pops and then he plans your life to complicate

You might have thought that being good would mean he wouldn’t come
And topsy turvy your whole world for you have done no wrong
But sadly, I do have to say this never is the case
He’s got it in for everyone who’s called the human race

It does not matter to this imp he’s full of bile and spite
And if some harm he can commit he’ll creep in, in the night
And damage everything he can, set TV on the blink
He’ll freeze up your computer and he’ll block your kitchen sink

Your water pipe will fracture and your bathroom floor will flood
Your sewage pipes will overflow till gardens turned to mud
And every fuse that’s in the house he’ll blow them one by one
Perhaps he’ll break your wash machine before the clothes are spun

And if you notice light in fridge no longer works for you
Your freezers over freezing and your gas boiler just blew
Your car won’t start, a tyres flat or cooker won’t turn on
It’s not because you broke it or ‘twas you did something wrong

He’s crept into your household with his spiteful point of view
His aim in life, to make your life unhappy and askew
And when you’ve reached a state of mind where things can’t get much worse
A bill you’ve paid, now has you frayed they’re claiming the converse

They’re taking legal action and you’re going to go to court
Unless it paid within five days, but your bank account is short
Your telephone is cut off and a bailiffs at the door
And all you know is that these folks are asking you for more

And now this imp has got you where you don’t know what is what
He’s made your life a misery; you think you’ll be bankrupt
He’s done his worst so now he leaves to find another chump
Who thinks that every broken thing is just some accident?

I have to tell you one and all; this just is not the case
If more than one thing in your home you now have to replace
Or if you find that overnight your life’s a living hell
Tis cursed imp who’s just moved in and he’s staying for a spell

So pack your bags and leave him there; go on a long vacation
And please don’t tell or ere reveal your final destination
For otherwise he’ll follow you and start it all again
You don’t want that, so be aware this imp can be a pain

For if you leave it long enough your home he will depart
He’ll move to some one else’s house his prankish tricks to start
Then you’ll return to your own home quite sure that he is gone
Pick up your life where you left off and knowing he’s moved on

There is no other remedy; I wish this were not so
For when you leave I promise you this imp will surely go
To some poor other persons house to make their life unwell
By driving them insane instead; make their life living hell

But rather them than you perhaps, although it is not fair
To read about another’s fate, a fate you almost shared
Offer up your prayers for them, it’s all that you can do
And never ever let them know what I have just told you

For they in turn will be upset that imp moved in with them
They’ll want to know the reasons why ‘tis you they will condemn?
So mums the word, just keep it hushed, don’t ever say a word
And get on with your life again as though you never heard.