Thunder crackles loudly while lightning strikes the ground.
Rain is pounding on me and the fog is all around.
At the top of Oak street in the sleepy town of Krauss.
Lies the creepy mansion known to all as the Doll house.
There because of a dare that I could not last the night.
My friends I must prove wrong even if it's only for spite.
I clenched my sweaty fists and started through the rusty gates.
Unsure of what was to come, not knowing what awaits.
The ground was filled with weeds and a stench I can't describe.
Feeling like somethings watching, I have an eerie vibe.
Looking upon the house I now stand here in a daze.
Somethings looking out the window and I feel its gaze.
Against my better judgement, pushing the front door ajar.
Peeking my head inside the house, the sight was quite bizarre.
My lantern lit the room but this house I do distrust
Though the place seemed vacant there was not a spec of dust.
The hallway glinted softly with my lantern's dull light.
A pounding noise filled my ears giving me quite the fright.
Heavy footsteps echoed, coming from somewhere upstairs.
The sound of creaking wood as I climbed the broken stairs.
When I reached the top I heard the pounding down the hall.
I crept up to the door where I couldn't help but stall.
Do I really want to know what's on the other side?
I took a deep breath and I flung the door open wide.
I looked around quickly but nothing had caught my eye.
So I entered the small room and let out a deep sigh.
A soft chuckle pierced my ears, I quickly turned my head.
My mouth gaped in terror as I looked upon the bed.
Two porcelain dolls sat, their eyes staring right at me.
Deep emerald eyes peer at me as if they could really see.
I quickly turned away and ran to the window sill.
Sensing their deathly gaze, while my spine perceived the chill.
I tried to run away but my legs were frozen stiff.
Staring out the window, I uttered a prayer with a whiff.
If you doubt my story if you really want to know.
I'm waiting at the Doll house, staring out the window.
Author notes
Written March 25th, 2004
A contest entry
- 850 POINTS Enter your best!! by Kasheera.
700 points, ended August 21, 2005, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 79 of 79
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Wow, Your poem is amazing, I love the imagery and the flow…Keep up the awesome work and thank you for entering my contest!!!!
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this was an awsome write. i must agree with people..that dolls creep me out... and your poem just strengthen that fear. thanks babe! the imagery and rhyme and flow were all great. good luck in the contest!
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dolls, the one fear of all things dark and evil, im a vampire myself and am terrifered of them...oh and clowns!
anyway, wonderful write, the rhyming worked well in some places but not so much in others, but still its very good.
good luck
la8z sky x
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that was really good, but seeing as im terrifyed of dolls (almost as much as i'm terrifyed of clowns) it was scary.. keep it up.. xx
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Oh my!!!! This was so good.... I was litterally sitting on the edge of my chair the entire time....great write!!!
Lucky -
im glad you enjoyed my work and it is an honor to be in your contest
~~~~~ Soulz ~~~~~~~ -
wow! this is was so awesome! i truly loved it! it was creepy and perfect! nice...no wonderful job!! good luck and thanks for entering!
psycho -
WOW!!! THIS WAS COOL!!!!! It felt like I was in the house... porcelin dolls always creeped me out... *shudder* that was wonderful and it ended nicley! I'm impressed!
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paid
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kick ass
LostSoulz:
I'd like to say...thanks for entering the contest...I really loved this poem...very unique...I hadn't ever read a poem like this...WOnderful job...the ryhming was great...the details very bold...Iloved it all...BEAUTIFUL...I think i need more poems like this in the contesT!!! wow...this just left me speechless....Keep up the magnificent work...and I'll be keeping an eye on Ur woRk...
***et3rnaldarkn3ss*** -
OMG~
I don't do dolls~
runs
That is one thing I do not do are possessed or demonic dolls~
Give me Freddie Kruger, Mike Myers but not a frickin doll~
Great piece you have here
Best wishes to you in the contest~
Big hugs
and much love~Desire
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This is creepy!
But we poets are prone to nightmares and tripped-out dreams of craziness. This write not only pulled me into the depths of a haunted house, but also chilled me to the bone from apprehension. And that...is brilliant. I don't know what to say apart from that this write is wonderful even though scary as hell...the rhyme scheme worked with it, as well. I wish you well.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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wow! this really caught my attention! it was very intresting and i couldnt stop reading! good detail ~*hana89
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whoa, how many ways are there to say great? This was a chilling gripping write that definately pulled me in immediately.
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OOOoooo that's creepy. It's also very well written. I have wierd dreams too.. a lot. Well anyways.. VERY good job, the flow is great and it's interesting to read about someone else
;s dreams
Kelsie -
Flow of this piece was really good... the story kept me interested the entire time, which is hard to do with lengthy pieces... Liked the concept in general... the ending was great and very effective.
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A very good piece the story flowed very well, in it and came across with the images. I hate them damn dolls, my sis has them in hers going up the stairs and when I was house sitting I wouldn't even pass em LOL
As for the write, like I said it is a very good piece, it has a good flow to it, yet some of the lines have more syllables than others thats the only thing that I can actually see... Apart from that... It is a very good write with a good flow and an excellent story line to keep the reader reading
Natalia -
Nice poem. I've always had a problem with rhyming and when I try they never come out right. I loved the idea behind it, and yes... I'm scared now. Freaky demonic dolls. Hehe. Great write man.
Peter/Pedro -
glad you liked it... the worst part was it was an actual dream... i wish I could have wrote it like I saw it but I did my best ... to fully get the experiance you kinda had to be there... and thank you for the applause and comment..take care and god bless
~~~~~~~~~~ Soulz ~~~~~~~~~
Edited on Apr 02 because 'typo's'. -
Woah, this is soooo scary. Dolls really are pretty freaky. With their bizarre glass eyes. Just lovely. Thanks for this!
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magnificent
drew me right in man, i might as well have been the character! -
thank you for holding the contest!
take care and god bless
~~~~~~~~soulz~~~~~~~~~ -
Absolutely awesome! I couldn't break away from it. You caught my attention and kept me riveted. Great work! I especially loved the ending tie in, where you became the one gazing out the window that you felt in the beginning. Awesome write!
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Woah, what a write. that was absolutly awesome, what can i say? breathtaking, spine tingling... dead set tops...
just a great write. well done
Keep Groovin,
Shibbi.
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Coming back to comment on this later. I'm printing this out. Thanks so much for entering! I'm dying to get away from the computer tonight.
--sockey -
thank you so much that means alot coming from you I have read your work and you are even on my favorites... thank you again renee you don't know how much that means to hear that from you
god bless you and yours
~~~~~~ Derek aka Soulz ~~~~~~~~~~~ -
Listen up little brother, this is an all time classic, and you deserve the GOLD for this epic poem. It has everything, spine tingling, heart pounding, eclipsed emotions, can't swallow, pain staking, seemingly effortless write. Exquisite! Excellent! BRAVO! The rhyme is stealth, the flow is steady and like a great Alaskan glacier, the ending leaves the reader frozen in time. This is just THE BEST!!! I thouroughly enjoyed it. I just cannot RAVE enough! I do thank you for sharing this with me.
Many Blessings!
Renee THIS IS A WINNER!!!
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lol its nothing to do with pet semetary... thats just thename of the contest... the contest just wants any scary stories so i decieded I would enter it since its my only horror poem i figured why not... im glad you liked it...
take care and god bless
~~~~~~~~~soulz~~~~~~~~~~~ -
I don't see this really relating to Pet Sematary, but this was really good either way, I think you would have made Stephen proud. I love the way you played with all of the sense, you really made me feel like I was there, and at the end, the element of disbelief was executed excellently. YOu told a great story, I felt like I was reading a book I couldn't take my eyes off of.
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nice. very nice. There is a little bit of room for minor grammatical revisement. For instance, "My friends I must prove wrong even if it's only for spite." can be worded: "I must prove my friends wrong even if it's only for spite." The second version doesn't mess up your rhyming, and it reads a little easier.
This was a good poem overall. Good job on the rhyming, and the content was excellent. This is like a ghost story the counselors at camp would be fired for telling. -
well done
This is very spine tingling and well written but the meter needs to be worked on a bit in some places but overall it held me captivated until the end!
Great piece! Enjoyed this! -
GREAT
THIS WAS SOOO AWESOME I LOVED IT -
Great Imagery
WoohooHoohooHee! This is sPookY! You have quite an imagination and the title is great. While reading this, I saw the imagery in my mind quite well. Your very good with keeping the reader in suspense! The storyline was excellent and it could be made into a movie. Great job with this! -
awsome
I just had to read it a few times because it roxs
Edited on Mar 25, 8:50 p.m. because 'needed to'. -
Oh my....this is guaranteed to give me nightmares tonight , but you did a great job with it . The descriptions were very vivid and the chills ran down my spine as I read it . Best of luck in the contest ,
Reenie
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Awesome
awesome... awesome... AWESOME... (did i say awesome)
riiiiiiight... veery good -
wow! what a dream lol i really liked it! dreams are cool. you really did well rhyiming too!
~sarahart122 -
I like this, I love the twist at the end, Very visual and it rythmed. ::claps::
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Oooohh.. sends chills down my spine. Excellent job. The rhyming was choppy at some points, but overall it was great.
xoxo forevermore -
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. Simply stunning write. I applause you for this poem. This shows how much wonderful talent you have. Bravo.
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This was such an excellent write, it really kept me hanging to the nd. I loved how it told such a gripping story and still managed to rhyme and flow so very well. I can't say enough about this poem, it was so chilling, the way you described the house, the dolls, and the feelings. If I had a dream like that I wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night!!! This was so excellent, creepy, and I loved reading it. Good luck in the contest, I'm sure you'll do well. Muchas amor, Mandy
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ps You should write a second one to go along w/ this one! like a conclusion Itd be great im sure!!!!!!!!!
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whoa great job like! i can say anything that hasnt been said but i just thought id give you encouragement and tell you how good it is because it is
Its a very beautiful and strong poem!!!!
its cool how you can put your dreams into word too
Really EVERYONE should read this because its so meaningful and good!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Hannah
btw you should win the contest
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Oh my gosh..if I had a dream like that I'd wake up screaming. Dolls are one of the scariest things in the world to me. Oh man..oh man..oh man. I'm seriously going to have nightmares from this one! You described everything so vividly! Almost jumped when you saw the dolls on the bed. *shakes* Beautifully done! I hope you do well in this contest - you DEFINATLY deserve it!
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a vivid picture you paint with ease....
I could sense the state of horror as you peaked out the window
wondering if you would ever leave.
the flow and structure was great
Tamara -
WOW! That was awsome! I love that. Very creepy, very thrilling, very perfect! Keep it up. I will definatly be reading more of your poems!
~Try not to worry, nothing's ever perfect!
-Sara- -
Man, this is kind of like the philadelphia state hospital that they left abandoned and now teenagers test each others metal by going in at night. I liked this alot, it has a kind of coming of age story to it.
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yay!
Woah... kinda scared to play dolls with my lil sis! That was awesome, it painted a great picture. One suggestion, take it or leave it. "Peeking my head inside a house that was quite bizarre." Could be, Peeking my head inside a house, the sight was quite bizarre. Just seems to fit better.. maybe it's me, maybe it's maybelinne... right on, write on! -
this is awesome, i've been having some pretty wicked dreams like this one lately, which is especially strange for me because i never remember my dreams, but i've been waking up in the middle of the night screaming and crying and some awful shit. anyway. this is fuckin great.
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Ack I think you dream like me...I dream what I call Stephen King dreams all the time. This is great and spooky which is always a GREAT thing. I love it, I appluad it, and you as well.
-MISTY ME- -
Yea that was really really good! It kept my attetion and I had to keep reading, not many can do that. Thanks for sharing! ~ashley~
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Yea that was really really good! It kept my attetion and I had to keep reading, not many can do that. Thanks for sharing! ~ashley~
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I really really liked this. This was really cool, because it rhymed and flowed very nicely without compromising the...story...so to speak...Great job...
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this reminds me of a book i read in the 6th grade about these girls ho moved to this house that was posessed by these dolls ...yeah...but the poem was great! i love how creepy it is. Have you ever thought of writting like young adult mystery horror?Your stuff reminds me of something Lois Duncan would write. This was awesome! great work:0)
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oh this is an awesome piece. I really enjoyed reading this. Good luck with the contest!
Keep writing!
*~*Aaria*~* -
glad you enjoyed them... and its an honor to be put onto your favorites I just hope I can match your expectations in the future...
take care and god bless you and yours
~~~~~~~~soulz~~~~~~~~~ -
excelent poem i like your stile got you on my favorites hope to read more
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This was awesome! Really great write. I felt like I was actually there. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest! --Jenn
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this is a really good poem, the rhyming scheme was really really good, just a great job, thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work
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Great Write
I see alot of sensory images and that always is great to find in a poem. When I read this, I thought it was a poem..and later, I thought that this can also be viewed as a short story. Wonderfuly written and ofcourse, anything inpsired by Mr.King is out of this world. -
I really liked the ending of this poem
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stephen king has always been a favourite author of mine,
especially his early works
he had the gift of getting to the core of what truly frightens us (especially, what truly frightens children)
i feel you captured the essense of his writing quite well
a stephen king who rhymes (grin)
best of luck in the contest,
~liz -
I liked the story in this poem. You wrote tension very well, and I was compelled to finish this story. The idea of dolls I suppose can be scary. I guess I would associate dolls with saftey, a comfort item. Turning what's comfortable and safe into an object of terror is always a proven formula for a good horror story.
Nicely done. -
Oh my God this is so creepy! ... but I love it... i could feel the dolls eyes staring at me.. following me around the room
Very much Steve King-ish
I have two Victorian doll here in my computer room and I just looked around at them yikes! LOL
Nice flow... Very well told... the ryhming is not a easy task to do in a long prose piece like this... but you did exellent"
Nice job.. i always enjoy a spooky dark tale of this kind
Good Luck to you in the contest!
Mina ~
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Great
Wow this was a wonderfully frightening piece! It drew the reader in with such vivid detail. Drawing the small minute hairs at the back of the neck on end. Causing one to have shivers, as they think of them dreaded baby dolls! hehe.. I swear theres something living under the bed.. hmph.. Anyways! This was a great write LostSoulz! Positively creepy for a dream, don't you just love them? I know i do hehe... Good luck in the contest!
~Somber -
excellent
wow i absolutely adored this poem, very intense and creepy, an awsome write, im off to read more of your work, again an excellent write, well done
xxx -
Almost like a rap song ...
Petrified, I think the word is for what you felt within that Doll House And I am frozen stiff. LOL Maybe a hug will get you out of that trance? Here:
Good luck in the contest!
Myra -
omg this poem was awesome. very creepy. keep writing.
~Moon Girl~ -
That was really cool. It flowed really well for the most part, and I liked the ending.
Good luck in the contest. -
sorry to scare ole java bean lol... but I feel you... last night I had this dream and I could literaly feel the hairs on my neck stand on end when those dolls looked at me and I woke up and I went to get a cup of coffee to fully wake up and I punt kicked my daughters babydoll she left in the floor across the room.... i wasn't even gonna look at it at that moment lol.. thank you for the applause and I am glad you enjoyed it
take care and god bless you and yours java bean
~~~~~~~ Derek aka Soulz ~~~~~~~~~~~~ -
Ok I am throwing out all my little girls dolls lmao this is a great frightening poem and you do have such a wonderful mystic mind that can write over anything, Now this is creepy but such a wonderful write, good job, Derek, you have now done the unthinkable scare ole Java Bean, but this is so great.
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the bad thing is that was my dream last night so imagine how i reacted to my daughters baby dolls lol.... glad you enjoyed it Lylah and thanks for the applause it means alot ....
take care and god bless you and yours
~~~~~~~~ Derek aka Soulz ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -
dang! wicked cool,i love to read horror and mystry stories,i want watch em on tv though to much to handle. this was a bad a$$ poem derek! i mean serious it was killer i love the ending,it reminded me of a movie to,i loved the flow it was perfection in my book,and the entire story was chilling,it was rather wicked the dolls emerald green eyes, im like ok i can't look at my kids dolls today derek done scared me $hitless but otherwise it was the bombdiggity!~ you go with your thriller written self! enjoyed this one, as i do all of your work,but i love to read about this kind of stuff. killer simply killer !
Edited on Mar 25, 11:15 because ''. -
execellent
That was cool. Poor baby, sorry to hear you're still stuck at the window near those naughty little dolls. I heard it said somewhere that dolls can be dangerous you know. By any chance was yours related to Chuckie or the Puppet Master's toys. I even here that that Damn Barbie can be a B*tch at times. LOL Great job and nice flow. Good luck in the contest.
Edited on Mar 25, 9:13 because ''. -
Wow, that was cooooool! im impressed heh. It was like a horror movie in my head. But apparently it was in your head..or a dream i guess. anyway, I really loved how I was totally into this poem. Couldnt wait to see what happened. Sometimes peoms such as these bore me to death..but yours didnt!! so yay for you!! heh.
-Isa -
Ooohhhh Creeeepy! K.... Got a little scared... I felt some of the emotions you were explaining. And could easily visualize what you were trying to paint. I loved this line: "I quickly turned away and ran to the window sill.
And I sensed their deathly gaze and my spine felt the chill" <-mostly the last line there.. very effective.. Also, the last line brought a huge surprise (creepy one) veddy good... @_@ -
Oh yeah, don't invite me over for a sleepover, maybe a pj party, but not to sleep over, you have weird dreams lol
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Except for some minor bumps in the rhythm, and I mean very minor, this poem flows through; what you might want or consider is to drop unneccessary words like 'The' and 'And' unless you need them for a beat...replace them with active verbs and adjectives...but overall...the theme works, the suspense builds up, and of course since you are in the Doll House, I am expecting a Sequel and then a Prequel and then a Prequel to the Prequel to the Sequel that will need another Sequel to explain the Prequels to the Sequels
Edited on Mar 25, 3:52 because ''. -
I did like it very much and it reminds me of a film that was shown- I love its ending, very good work here
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