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Empty Passion (revised)

She left the door,
curtained but open

while the veranda
crumbled
under her weighted feet.

The links extend
through time;
stretching

yearning for her.

She left the house,
inverted -
her ragged little breath
harsh in the ears of silence.

Author notes

I wasn't sure what to do, so I cut the parts I didn't really like.... hope it's better. Thanks to Afxb for the help.

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Comments

  • Afxb
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    Every word is just so. I love this. so many subtleties that need repeated reading and thinking.That door "curtained but not open" has many meanings

    and then the "weighted feet"

    and the "stretching" which is reaching to her and also elongating time and maybe the distance to her

    And the repeat of "She left" and the house "inverted" what an image in itself ...as well as all it stands for

    and the "little " in the penultimate line making her small in all the silence.

    Such integrity in this poem.



    • Ilati Aza
      September 5
      Edit | Reply
      I forgot to thank you for this comment, I think. I've never had a poem of mine described as having integrity, I appreciate it.