karen the financial advisor.

riseup. breathe. four aye em.

today's gonna be a bad day, it's aching through my fingertips.


we can still be friends.
hardly,
what did i do?
hah,

i wanna laugh in your face, i just remove myself from the situation, yes you were a bad boyfriend, why am i trying to make you feel better?


slicing through skin, another scar for the world to see, how vulnerable my heart is to lies and deception i crave it like attention. you were never man enough to let me go, and i was never woman enough to realize it until it was too late.

i hate my name, so i'll give my nonexistent spawn the names i wish i had,
jessica, so that maybe my first grade playmate might come back if her name was recycled after her death to thank me for being so clever.
rayne, so that maybe their eyes will never be wet.
liercheatersonofabitch, so that he will grown up to respect women and prove that your name doesn't tell a lot about who you are.

i hate myself so i'll dress up and be pretty and name myself karen because it reminds me of caring and i do that too much already. so maybe i'll be karen the financial advisor and be able to give others advice that actually works and maybe i'll be mentioned in a book one day and have papirazzi outside my house asking for me to tell secrets about my clients. and i'll simply walk to my hundred thousand dollar car and drive away and go to some gym and work out for three hours and then go to a spa because i can afford it and my heart isn't broken and i can live my life.
i wonder if there's someone else in the world who wants to be karen the financial advisor.

weallfalldown, down, down, down to the end of the world sowhat if i spend my eternity in fire, and my soul is forever set ablaze. that'd be just fine with me, as long as i could feel it, and not glaze my eyes over and solve it with cannabis, i want pain that aches and aches and drugs can't take it away from me and were anti-histamines don't stop the opiod itch. that i have to suffer and i just can't push it away because it's so fucking powerful.

i want to suffocate. and still be alive.










i want to be away. can you take me there?