The angels I pray for. Never answer my calls. They don’t pick me up when I’m down.
They don’t catch me when I fall. Mine won’t take me to an afterlife with fields of glowing grass. They’ll leave me to plunge in to the pits.
Hearing the shrieks amplify. And watching others impaled as I pass. Falling through the nine circles.
Slow enough to watch the carnage. As I see the hopes of rebirth slashed. And in to the ninth circle is where my body dose finally smash.
As I find my self overcome by the stench of gas. And the ground beneath me breaks apart. Falling in to the molten causing it to splash.
Raising the level of the liquid fire to a point that’s vast. As I’m left atop a rock floating on magma. And it’s melting beneath me into the mass.
Coming closer to the blaze. And the end at long last. I look to the heavens and pray for this nightmare to surpass.
But all I see is the figure that bought me here. My angel with wings of ash.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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a great idea and a good poem
MY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM: it says your looking for it so ill dish it out (mean all i say in the nicest way.) the emotion was well taken and i could easily tell what you were trying to say, i say you can too so much more with the emotion, like in line 2 you take about falling into a pit; go into depth of this pit of its dark light and its feeling of loneliness. or in line 3 explain the pane of the melting magma, or maybe its color.
Just go more into depth you have shown a wounded heart now show its pain. -
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That sounds like a fine idea to me. Can I expect you to reevaluate this piece once the changes are made?
Allawy
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i like it :]
the more you went in to detail the more it came to life -
of course :] just let me know
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i made a few changes. Let me know what you think.
Allawy
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it can be difficult to see the light when we are immersed in darkness...you describe this delimna very well in the words to this piece. I hope that things get better for you soon! thanks for sharing...peace and light, kp
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Even in a room with no doors or windows. There still exist a light. A flame that burns in the mind. But is ignited by the heart. Thanks for reading and observing.
I can tell that you just don’t comment on poems you analyze them just as I do.
If you’d like to give me some more analysis. Try the one below.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5536305
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