Set em up so we can fall,
we'll all go down together,
my silver dollar
worn from saving,
it's gonna shine tonight.
Saddle up and settle down,
watch your mouth,
and drink like men.
Marys ridin shotgun.
In patches of frayed denim,
through swinging doors
and lavender walls,
blue eyes and bar flies
fall to the floor upon her
stunning arrival.
Old Army Bucks Saloon,
sits on the fault line
and stands in the way
of getting the truth,
from the hired hands
that lie beside her
in the setting sun
of my broken heart.
Saddle up and drink like men.
Mary's ridin shotgun.
Author notes
Love and Respect.
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrites for my FAVES only! by perfectsunset.
625 points, ended August 18, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Yum.
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Normally ...
I don't like lost love poems, but this is a great write.
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Vivid humorous images come to mind with this write, which shows the wide diversity of subjects you pen in your poems. Entertaining and brilliantly scribed, poet..g.
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I will stand behind you and guard your back play your cards I have a red dress and I ride shot gun for my friends..
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"my silver dollar
worn from saving,
it's gonna shine tonight." --> I love the imagery that explodes from those three lines;
this whole write is fantastic, has a country style lyrical feel to it while emerging me within the night out on the town bravo.
♥
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Saddle up and settle down,
watch your mouth,
and drink like men.
reminds me of something i say sometimes....
"I can't watch my mouth.... it's below my line of sight."
I have no idea why but I couldn't stop thinking that while I read.
Amazing and beautiful, every word you write seems to take on the energy of your heart and show me the way. =]
-K
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Really neat lines and combination. This sounded like a song, perhaps much in the style of Motion City Soundtrack.
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wonderful imagery.
quote lyrical.
'Saddle up and settle down,
watch your mouth,
and drink like men.
Marys ridin shotgun.'
...wow...
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This was gorgeous.
It's nice to see a freestyle write
from you, as I'm used to viewing
your wonderful rhyme.. I love your
rhyme don't get me wrong but it
was nice to see a different form
I loved these lines especially
as they popped out the most
"in the setting sun of my broken heart"
I also liked the repitition of 'Mary's ridin' shotgun'
and 'saddle up' ... creates a great overall effect.
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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Great potential here. Wonderful story.
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I love this! I get the visual of an old saloon, sitting at a card table playing shotgun poker. Silver dollars on the table....lady luck (maybe that's Mary) hopefully whispering encouragement in my ear. Whiskey on ice and cigar or two...Great images throughout, and open to much interpretation. You are a master at this kind of write...and this is now one of my favorite pieces you've written. Excellent work my friend.
Rory
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Nice bit of imagery my friend, Love the snapshot of life here, your poems tend to breathe and live! Bravo, most well done.
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Why am I surprised!? It has been far too long since you blind-sided me with your incredible work (my fault, not yours!). Best piece I have read in a long while! I love it.
Always
V
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Cool
First, I'll say I really liked the repition...It always works for you, and that's something that I am terrible at, I'd say, so congrats!
Don't we all seek the truth? What are we really looking for? Just a few drinks, a few laughs, the company of a good woman? Or something more? Is Mary really what we're after, or is it something more? This left me thinking, which is difficult to do to me, Liam...WELL DONE!
BLESSINGS ALWAYS BROTHER,
BRANDON
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This is a beautiful little lady. I like it. I like how some lines will seem to go together... "that lie beside her, in the setting sun..." and then the next line will just change the meaning entirely... "of my broken heart."
Bravissimo.
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I have been there, maybe I still am...scuffing my way through the peanut shells on the floor, the smell of stale beer, sweat and desperation filling the void left behind by the escape from reality. Taking one more shot at finding out....what?...not so sure anymore, just willing to make the attempt to find some sort of peace within this time.
Peace my Brother.
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I love it! Sharp beauty, stunning words. I can be either Mary, the bar flies, the building or the hired hands as you have painted this so seamlessly!
You amaze me, to no end!
Always.
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as always, i'm amazed by your sing song rhythm!! this is lovely and that third stanza is perfection achieved.
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I like this, i like it a lot
and there is many a day i feel like Mary
kudos
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WOW! great
A classic hits the mark. Good job, don't change a thing
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you'd better believe it, and she doesnt wear seatbelts neither.
And she smokes inside the car with the windows closed up tight, and you'd better believe she'd fuss if you so much as touch her seat first.
saddle up and drink like men...Love that.
PS-know what a 'duckfart' is?
lol
Bailey's and crown royal...and it's really good.
Thought you'd get a chuckle outta that.
Love always,
jin
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OK
Not what I was expecting when I clicked. However, it's a great little write. Makes me think that you're writing about a chick hanging with the boys and roughing it... lol Great job!!
~Gins Galore!!
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yet again awesome
you have a way of always making great poems awesome kudos to you for a continues strain of star spangled formations - Laura Cousineau
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Wow such a vivid picture this paints, wasnt Mary's other name Annie o well ..great card game and you can smell the leather ..an excellent and entertaining write dear poet
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Loved It!
What a fun write this is! In fact, I think I know Mary. Thanks for sharing this piece.
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really good i enjoyed this
I had not thought of riding shotgun for years and years. Your title made me smile and I just had to see.You've got some great word pictures here. I enjoyed this visit to the old west with it's swinging doors and lavender walls. Got to saddle up. Thanks for the trip.
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Brilliant
Poe, you always take me somewhere interesting. A cross between working-class neighborhood and the Old West... Got "The Boss" feel to it...
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Oh I loved it, Almost sounded like lyrics!
Kind of sad at the end with a broken heart.
But i still liked it very much, the way it flowed was awesome.
When you write your words are almost like the saying " When it rains it Pours"
Great write!
's Mandi
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In patches of frayed denim,
through swinging doors
and lavender walls,
blue eyes and bar flies
fall to the floor upon her
stunning arrival.
hey, storyteller. don't let mary get ya down. or trip ya up.
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good poem.
particularly liked this stanza -
"In patches of frayed denim,
through swinging doors
and lavender walls,
blue eyes and bar flies
fall to the floor upon her
stunning arrival."
this played out like a movie reel in my head..
also, how i tend to spend all my hard earned money...i can relate.
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I love this! This poem had a flow and a tempo that made them sound like song lyrics. I really love the imagery throughout it.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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thanks for shakin me outta my funk. reading this write of yours that is. i dunno i cant express myself of late.
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